Smiling at Grief
by emilyswain
Summary: Edward Cullen comes to Denali, seeking guidance for an unexpected event that torments his mind. Katrina, an old friend, has to convince him to face his demons and return home. Set during Twilight. Chp. 11 up now after a long hiatus
1. The Dim Hour

_I do not own the characters of Twilight, New Moon, or any of Stephenie Meyer's wonderful world of Forks and beyond. This is my interpretation of situation through the eyes of a family always getting left out during the editing process. This is my first fanfic ever so when you read and review don't be too cruel to be kind. Thank you._

Chapter One

I stared out into the sky, oblivious to everything. Tanya and the others were off somewhere still hunting and I just got back. I was spent, yet I don't know why. Today's feeding was quite successful, so I think I'm going to be fine for at least a couple of weeks. Earlier I caught the eye of some of the townsmen when I was coming back from hunting, and I was attracted to one of them. His name was Jay and I think I'll get back to him after my ennui has passed. Is it possible for an almost millennium aged vampire to get ennui? I guffawed inwardly at the thought, wishing I can tell someone…Tanya was always the favorite but I rather tell Eleazar. With his vision of the future and my knack for conveying my thoughts to him would liven the mood. It was a perfect January day here in Denali and here I was, sitting on the lawn, waiting for something while acting depressed for some unknown reason. I was being foolish, Rina said as much to me today while hunting; I could hear her now,

"Kate, you haven't had male company in a few weeks so why don't you stroll over to that cute guy Jay and just go for coffee or something. And I hope it's the latter 'cause I don't want to see you hacking out coffee and croissants later on today. Shake off whatever you got and live as well as you can dammit. We're here for a long stay", she smirked at me with her little joke. Tanya and the others smiled and I managed one to save face. But I couldn't shake off that feeling of something being amiss. I was sitting at the stoop of the porch as I realized that Eleazar was right there beside me, worried.

"What's the matter?" I looked at Eleazar quizzically. His gift was similar to our friend Alice Cullen, who is currently residing in a town in Washington; while her gift is seeing the future and its possible outcomes Eleazar sees as it's happening at the very moment, even if he's miles away and he sees the aftermath. I looked at him, curious and worried.

"Edward Cullen was about to feed off of a human."

I stared at Eleazar, horrified. He closed his eyes, obviously still immersed in Edward's turmoil. I was in shock; out of all of the Cullen's it was Edward that was about to crack. I couldn't believe it. I felt as I had gone numb, if even possible. I continued to look at Eleazar, who was as still as a statue of Atlas. He opened his eyes.

"He was close, and it seemed as if he was about to do it. He stared at her in hunger, eyes black as night. I could tell from his face he was so close. But he somehow resisted."

I breathed, startled to realize I was holding it in. I tried to think when I stopped my breathing, not that it really matter. But usually it would get uncomfortable and its something I'm used to since I still acted as a human. But alas, I don't think I can pinpoint the answer since I was still awaiting Eleazar's response.

"What stopped him?"

"That's something for you to ask. He's coming here. He's leaving Forks and the Cullens." He looked anxious and I was fully aware why. Esme. She regarded Edward as her own son, as if he was from her flesh and blood. Although she loved Emmett, Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper it was Edward she treasured above all; typical first-born favorite, so to speak. If he were leaving it must be drastic since leaving his family behind is not even heard of. He loved them too much and for him to leave…I wondered.

"How long will he stay here?"

"I'm not sure…but he's coming here to stay for awhile. I'm going to find the others and I'll keep them busy while you speak to him. You connect better with him than Tanya or even Irina", and he rolled his eyes. Irina had a huge crush on Edward when he first came here, so I can only imagine what she'll do when she finds out he's coming here. I need to talk to him and find out why he almost killed a human…then I remembered something.

"Was it a woman?" I looked at Eleazar and he turned around.

"She was a girl. Looked to be his 'age'", he quietly said. And with that he left, looking for the others. I'm sure he'll tell Tanya first; she was sort of the matriarch of the family and she loved the Cullens as much as I did. She and Carmen were the equivalent of Esme; both loved to be the maternal figures and loved watching over our family. Knowing how Rina was fascinated by him, she'll partner up with Eleazar to distract her. Carmen might suggest that they initiate a plan to get me the cute man from the town since she was aware of my attraction and knowing that I was uncharacteristically down, it will be a means of a distraction. I knew it would be at least 12 hours before Edward's arrival so I decided to go on another hunt; he was hungry for blood and desperate enough to feed off a human…no a girl…that I wonder what on earth is he doing for his food source. I know him and Emmett love to hunt for the bears in the mountains so I was more confused than ever. My cell phone rang and I answered before it even finished ringing. It was Alice.

"Edward is on his way. But I'm sure you already knew that. How much did Eleazar see?" Her tone was worried, as if he or I would be angry or disappointed with her…I wonder how much she _hadn't_ seen.

"He saw his eyes black with hunger, and murder in his expression. I wonder how he got close and resisted in the end…" I left the sentence open-ended, hoping Alice would finish the thought.

"I feel wretched. I didn't even see that in his future, I wasn't paying attention to what was going on. I was too concerned with Jasper…" I felt a surge of sympathy and understanding; Jasper was still adjusting but sometimes the thirst was too strong for him. After many years of feeding off of humans, the new regime of our diet was torturing him. Alice continued.

"We were driving home and Edward seemed agitated. That's when I saw him plotting the poor girl's death and eventually I saw him leaving. He decided to leave Forks and head back to you and the others. But he's only staying for a few days…two days at the most." Alice's voice was sad and she must've been thinking of Esme and Carlisle.

"How did Esme react? Will I be able to speak to her?"

"Edward didn't come home. He dropped all of us off somewhere near the house and he went to the hospital to trade cars with Carlisle. Esme is beside herself, and I don't know what to do or say. She's comforted that he's coming back in a few days but she's distraught with what almost happened. I wish I can assure her that he wasn't going to kill the girl but I'm still unsure myself. It took a lot for him to leave and I'm not sure what we'll do when he comes back." Alice was resigned, but she was also distracted. I could sense it in her voice. I decided to ask her later since I was concerned of the why factor. After almost 80 years of not feeding off a human why would Edward _think_ of killing a human, a girl nonetheless.

"Alice…" I didn't know how to ask.

"Yes?" Alice also seemed to be hedging.

"Why this girl?"

"Her blood. He was thrown off by her blood." And it clicked. Her blood…it must have been some heck of a girl to have blood that nearly drove one of the most sensible and self-righteous of our kind. Devout to his way of life…his acceptance of his eternity and fate, and years of abstaining would have been thrown off all because of a _girl's_ blood; a girl who really was seventeen. It made me chortle and I realized a bit too late it was loud enough for Alice to hear, who I immediately knew was livid with me.

"Kate…you find it humorous that my _brother was about to kill an innocent!? Something that he didn't even do when he did feed off of humans in his rebellion days?_" She was definitely livid…I could swear her tone was almost murderous.

"Ally, the situation isn't funny. I can't explain now but as soon as I talk to Edward I'll have more of an idea on why I was…not laughing as hard." I felt pretty foolish but this incident certainly got rid of my ennui. And I realized something…I knew this was happening but at the same time unaware as to why. Deep down I knew this day was going to bring something extraordinary…and it wasn't over. I had to help Edward not only get through this ordeal but get him home to his family, to Esme who was probably lost without her "son". I said my goodbye and my promise to call once I had my talk with him. I stepped outside, and waited on the porch. He'll most likely be here by sunrise, and I haven't slept in almost 1,000 years so I can wait. And when he gets here we will hunt…and I will know why he almost killed a girl whose blood he thirsted for and what stopped him. And how. This week was going to be interesting and with that thought my ennui disappeared and replaced with agitation and…something else. Not dread, but as if it was something…almost positive. Oh yes, I thought to myself. This was going to be one interesting week.


	2. The Evening Twilight Hour

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own the rights to Twilight, New Moon, or any of the wonderful characters of Stephenie Meyer's great world of Forks. This is a reinterpretation of the major event in the beginning of Twilight through the eyes of Katrina, one of the Denali sisters as well as her own story of her own life. Read if you like, and review if you want more or if something is amiss. Thank you._

_**A/N: **I deleted and re-added Chp. 2 due to some slight modifications. I decided that despite the lack of reviews I also put up Chp. 3. I hope some of you like this story since its becoming a bit of a passion for me. Thank you, again. To Serene Twilight: you demanded another chapter so here it is. Enjoy!_

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It was twilight, and I was still sitting on the porch, even though I know Edward will be here by the morning. I was still sitting there when I heard a light step coming my way, and I didn't need to look to see who it was. Tanya's way of walking was always distinct, at least to me.

"Eleazar told me Edward was on his way…I gather he'll be here by morning?" Tanya looked at me inquiringly.

"Yes, but I guess I'm still shocked. Out of all them, Edward was the one I thought least capable to even think about feeding off a human…let alone a seventeen year old girl."

"She was a girl? Eleazar didn't tell me this. Oh poor Esme and Carlisle. They must be devastated…worried beyond relief."

"He's only staying for a few days…two at the least." My sense of certainty surprised Tanya.

"Oh…did Alice see him staying for a short period then?"

"Yes. I think two days will be enough to have him rethink his future…actions. Esme and Carlisle mean everything to him, as well as Alice and the others. Well, ahem, I'm not so sure about Rosalie." I scowled; only beauty would be so cold…literally. Despite her present happiness, she still harbored some resentment. Edward and Rosalie are so alike, it's no wonder they didn't click romantically. Both are smug, beautiful, and arrogant at times; it also didn't help they were both very intelligent.

"Well, of course I could imagine Rose being concerned." Tanya rolled her eyes. She then turned to look at me intently,

"Kate, do you think Edward would want to talk about what almost happened? He's usually so reserved that I think his introverted demeanor and his shame would make it more difficult than usual. Is it wise that you're here…almost as an ambush?"

"I would imagine so. That's why I think it _prudent_ if Irina were not here?" It was my turn to roll my eyes…Irina would not give up anytime soon…I'm actually hoping Edward finds himself someone…anyone. I stilled as a random thought crossed my mind, and probably my face for Tanya noticed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing…I'm just letting my thoughts get out of hand. I'm going for a walk. Is Rina with Carmen in town?" I sighed, knowing if I did get the answer I was waiting for, I would have to be prepared. Tanya laughed, and I had my answer. I did lose the bet. Dammit.

"As a matter of fact, yes. Carmen saw how much that guy Jay liked you even though you were insistent that he wasn't. She and Rina decided to play the roles of Cupid, respectively, to prove you wrong." Tanya smirked. Deepening my sigh much more than necessary, I knew I had to make an appearance in town. As that thought ran through my mind, it somewhat brightened my mood. I knew that my "gift" of thinking of people's feelings must have me connected with Edward, since his gift is of reading minds. Just as Edward can read minds, I convey my thoughts to those I choose and in turn I read their minds; if I want I can read their minds without touch but it's harder for me and I have to really lose myself in the concentration. With Edward it was always easy since his gift made mine stronger; same as Eleazar who sees the future as it happens and if I project my thoughts to him I read his thoughts in return. Remembering the pretty interesting times when the Cullens used to live here with us, I was still sad of their departure two years ago. Alice, Eleazar, Edward, and I were always caught up in our little games, the rest of the family, especially Emmett, were always on the verge of throttling us, even for the sake of the thrill to throttle.

"Well, I'm off to town then. Might as well make an appearance…I have until morning until Edward arrives. I'm sure I can find someone for Rina…does Carmen know about what happened with…" Tanya shook her head.

"She is aware something serious is going on. Eleazar told her little since he only knew what he saw. He didn't want to jump to any…"

"I think his vision was pretty conclusive." My tone got strained. I had a sense of where this was going and I decided to hurry my step to town. Tanya was quicker.

"Didn't you see? Or where you…"

"…in shock. Yes. And I'm off to town. I might as well have a little fun. I have a feeling I'm going to need my strength and I want some energy." I smiled wickedly, feeling optimistic for the first time since this day had begun…when I came back from hunting. Tanya looked wary. She shook her head and walked into the house. I ran back into the house and "freshened up". Almost 5 minutes later I was out the door and walking away to the town.


	3. The Nostalgiac Hour

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own the rights to Twilight, New Moon, or any of the wonderful characters of Stephenie Meyer's great world of Forks. This is a reinterpretation of the major event in the beginning of Twilight through the eyes of Katrina, one of the Denali sisters as well as her own story of her own life. Read if you like, and review if you want more or if something is amiss. Thank you._

_**A/N: **Despite the lack of reviews, I decided to put up Chp. 3 anyway. I kind of like the way this story is headed because its becoming a passion of mine. I hope some of you like it as well. Serene: you're an angel. Chp. 2 and 3 are for you. )_

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As I walked into the village I had thought about Edward and his family, as well as my own. Both of our families were close as we can possibly get; we were the only ones of our kind in this part of the North that is permanently settled. I missed the days when the Cullens were here but we were such a huge (and occasionally loud due to my screaming matches with Rosalie and rough housing with Emmett and Eleazar) distraction that we were noticed frequently. We live outside the town, about 10 miles away almost near the mountains of Denali National Park, so we were usually known to keep to ourselves. But with Emmett as a restless relative and Alice always wanting to nose around the locals and their lives it was hard not to be not inconspicuous. Before today's turn of events, their lives were somewhat normal, and they were comfortably settled into the town of Forks, Washington. But I knew that Carlisle was a bit troubled due to the Quileuete tribe that resided in the reservation of La Push. From what Tanya has told us, the majority of the tribe stopped going to the hospital because of Carlisle; they knew of whom they were in actuality since both the tribe and Carlisle and the family (which consisted of Edward and Esme at the time) had signed a treaty of peace, of sorts. I had thought it wise at the time that Carlisle signed a treaty that guaranteed each others secret safe, but now that they were back in the area, I often wondered what on earth had gone through their minds to even DOUBT Carlisle's ability to take human lives. To be so distrustful after years of keeping to the treaty and still doubt his immunity to the blood is not only ridiculous but an insult. Part of me wants them to come back here but it was a moot point. They needed to be away from us for the time being, and I as much as I missed them, I was glad they were gone; Irina was just impossible to convince that Edward would never give her another look as more than just a friend and with that she was lucky indeed. I shook my head in frustration when I remembered the times she actually tried to seduce Edward, forgetting that he could read minds. Carmen and I were beside ourselves with hysterics whenever Edward would flee the room with Irina even wondering what had just happened, with Eleazar trying very hard to be diplomatic. Tanya was always patient with all of our quirks and at the times of how human we were but there were some occasions when she had to excuse herself to laugh at the situation, alone; Edward informed us of such moments with great annoyance which grew more pronounced whenever Carmen, Emmett, and I were hysterical with laughter. I was so caught up in the nostalgia of such good times when our family was huge that I realized with a start I was by the village.

I caught my reflection at the window of one the cars that was parked away from the village in isolation. I glanced at my reflection. I had beauty but not as breathtaking as Tanya's or even seductive as Rina's. I was about to speculate about my physical appearance when I heard Eleazar's voice in my head:

"Don't start the self-criticisms please. And you better hurry up to the pub, since Irina is waiting for your arrival and Jay is getting impatient; he seems to think you were not even aware of what your sisters were doing. Carmen got a guy for Irina, which is the reason why she is impatient. Now hurry up NOW!" I laughed; I had forgotten that Eleazar and I had this mind connection because of our powers and closeness of siblings. He must have tapped into my mind after news of Edward's impending arrival; my mind must have been pretty open for Eleazar to access so quickly. Usually I'm the one that taps into his mind.

I arrived in the village and I immediately saw Carmen. She grinned, and I knew why, just like I had known where to go. Eleazar had seen my coming to meet them. I grinned back and Carmen was next to me in an instant, grabbing my arm, giggling excitedly.

"Irina worked her charm…not only did she manage to snag Jay for you, which took almost all day because as it turns out he is a bit of a shy one, but she also charmed his cousin visiting from Anchorage for me. It must be a record since she did it without you or Tanya. I'm sure if Eleazar and I weren't together the visiting cousin would have been mine for the night. Eleazar was a little annoyed with Rina, since she insisted that the man ask me out anyway…just for fun." Carmen sighed, and choked back laughter when she saw Eleazar glaring at her. I smirked as well, saying soft enough for Carmen, but loud enough for Eleazar,

"Did you say yes anyway?" It did the trick. Eleazar fumed, and the two of us laughed at his reaction, as if Carmen would say anything but no. I was so ecstatic to know that Carmen turned the friend unto Irina; she was going to be pretty busy tonight if she and I both worked our charms to its fullest. He furiously nodded his head towards the pub of the small town, where Irina and the others were waiting for our arrival. I looked at Carmen with a slightly bemused expression which turned into a grin, because I had to admit to myself I was a bit excited. And if Edward can sense or read my thoughts, it might cheer him up slightly and cast away his current strain, but I recalled that he was still miles off to come within my range of thoughts. I still hoped that with any sense of my telepathic abilities he will be able to find some amusement out of this sordid mess.

As I glimpsed Jay at the window, with his spiky hair and light skin but not as pale as mine, I could have felt my heart skip if it was still beating. He was telling an obviously funny story since Irina was pink with laughter, which is pretty rare since she was always busy looking seductive to the mortals we sisters so love. He was using his hands, and his arm was pretty well defined for his build; he was about 5'9 and he seemed a bit on the thin side for my taste. As I saw those arms, however, I knew my eyes were gleaming with hunger, and not the way any mortal should be in fear of…well, fear for their lives to say the least. His eyes were also gleaming, a beautiful brown color with tints of green. I sighed; I was just a sucker for eyes that resembled an ocean whether it is the Pacific or the Atlantic. I was trying to place his eyes on a particular sea when he looked out the window and into my own. He had stopped talking, and his eyes began to gleam in a way I was sure resembled my own. I had thought that his initial attraction was to Irina; it was something that I had come to expect out of any male, regardless of their kind. But as our eyes locked, I knew exactly where his mind went and it wasn't hard to access his mind since it must've been open for me to read. We each were lost in our own concentration that his voice in my mind rang so clearly,

"Wow, look at her eyes. They're even better than Irina's." I was the type of beauty that had to be reconsidered after first glance. It was hard for some of the men; trying to take Tanya and Irina's beauty but when they meet me, their concentration was usually scattered. Out of the three of us, I had somehow maintained my humanity in the essence of my eyes. They were topaz, typical of our ways of diet, but they were remnants of my previous green color etched around the pupils which illuminated my dark brunette locks and marble skin. I guess green and blue are my colors of preference when it comes to the eyes since those were always my favorite color even in my human days. While my sisters' beauty were lust-worthy and attention grabbing, it was my subtle beauty and my eyes that managed to capture their full attention in the end, particularly during conversation. It also can be that because of my gift, my eyes can be very expressive, as if it were a window to my soul, or in this case the essence of my soul. Jay and I kept our gaze locked, and Irina turned to notice his sudden silence, and seemed to snicker in obvious smugness and slight impatience. Apparently, she had won the bet that she and I made earlier; that indeed Jay was and had been attracted to me all along. Before I left them after our hunting trip she had told me so; I had scoffed, we placed a bet, and it seems I had lost, which I was fine with, since I had to keep Rina away from Edward when he arrives in the morning.

I had thought of my conversation with Tanya regarding Irina's constant battle strategy to win over the silent Cullen and I remembered my musing of him finding his own mate. I always wondered why he never bothered to find himself a mate. I knew that he was perfectly content with his existence, but I also knew he wasn't truly happy like the rest of us were. I doubt he even knew that but I never mentioned it since it didn't seem to bother him in the slightest, although it worried me and Esme. While his family was paired off with their own significant other, my sisters and I were always having the time of our "lives"; we practically cast aside the men of our kind in preference to the mortal men. It's been awhile since either of us has loved anyone in particular but that was our choice in a sea of activities to be had. I was still lost in my thoughts when I realized Jay had completely stopped talking to Rina, and he was waiting for me. His worried voice once again sang through my mind, and I was aware of how intense our concentration was with one another; I was still in his mind and I was able to do it without touch.

"She is just so damn pretty; those eyes, I can't look away. But she is still staring at me. I am going to kill Rina; it's obvious that Kate isn't interested." Oh Jay. I'm glad I caught your attention when I passed by you this early afternoon; there is no way I am going to let you slip by.

I smiled at him with reassurance and he relaxed, deciding to continue his story. I knew Irina was awaiting my arrival and was glaring at me with a now murderous impatience, but the other half of my mind was preoccupied with Edward and his own future in our eternal existence. I was gripped with a sudden thought that couldn't be ignored: maybe he has found his mate in the same way my sisters and I have found ours. This human girl that has him fleeing to us must be a one of a kind; Emmett had given in to his instincts twice in his early years of our dietary ways to two different strangers. Edward encountered his first overpowering scent in over 80 years, when he was driven to the point of no return yet he managed to resist. I am definitely going to have to block this thought after his arrival; I heard Eleazar's voice in my mind,

"So will I, it seems." I froze and looked towards the main square where he was with Carmen.

"Can it be what Alice saw?" I mentally replayed my telephone conversation with Alice earlier that day and her hesitations. I knew he would see what I was thinking; we are just attuned to one another that way. I'm pretty easy to read once someone realizes how to open the book.

"You must call her after Edward leaves or block your thoughts and hers should you call her while he is here with us. It might explain what she did see as opposed to what she didn't. Jay is waiting for you; he thinks you are regretting the set up."

My mind was brought back to the present. I shook myself out of my own stupor. I hate that about myself sometimes, I wonder if I have a special case of vampire A.D.D. I nodded to my brother, and I looked at Jay with my most intriguing smile. I could see he was melting away in his seat; the anticipation has got him glued. I grinned and opened the door to a new man in my life.


	4. The Impatient Hour

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of these characters; they belong to Stephenie Meyer and her brilliant mind. _

_**A/N:** Although this story is told by Katrina, a character created by Stephenie Meyer yet always cut in teh editing process, I have decided to give her and her sisters a last name that is tied to their Slavic heritage. More will be told as how their last name came about and of their past and present. Ch. 5 will prbably up next week which finally have Edward arriving in Denali. Hope that makes some of you happy. Thanks for any reviews and hints to help this story along. This is my first fanfic so take some heart. To my friend Serene Twilight: thank you for being insistent on bringing this story up to date.

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As I walked through the doors of the village pub, silence overtook the entire atmosphere; it was almost as if everyone had held their breaths in astonishment. I didn't need to read anyone's mind to hear the thoughts of many; only by looking into their eyes and their expressions it was obvious: the elusive Katrina Dvorjak, infamous for being just as reclusive as her sisters, is among the regulars of the town. Shrugging off my annoyance of the entrance I unwittingly made, I sauntered over to Rina's table. I noticed that many of the awestruck eyes (that males, notably) were slowly turning into envy when I approached the table with Jay and his visiting cousin. I caught Rina's eye, which had me hold the smirk that was threatening to come upon my face; she was impatient for me to join them, no doubt so she can spend some time with the cousin that Carmen convinced Rina was better off with.

"Kate." Her abrupt tone was dripping with malice and pronounced irritation. She hated it when I sauntered in, but I prefer it rather than walking as fast as our kind usually does. Honestly, what IS the rush?

"Hello, Irina." I smiled at her and at our guests. I realized that Jay's mind was silenced by my entrance and was blank as what to say. He had just remembered to say hello when Rina made a rather hasty introduction.

"Corey, this is my sister. Kate this is Corey Lee and his cousin Jason Arthur. Her name is Katrina Dvorjak but she is usually called Kate by family and friends." With that being said, she looked as if a great burden was lifted off her lovely shoulders; she met my gaze again, narrowed her eyes with that same impatience. She sat up quickly and fled to the other side of the room where a table was being reserved, no doubt for her and Corey. Corey soon followed suit, but managed a quick acknowledgement to my arrival.

"Hello, Katrina, nice to meet you." And in a speed swift even for a human he got to Rina just when she was filling her glass with water made to look like vodka, a prop of sorts. Corey sat down right next to her, and the two of them encased themselves in a bubble of passion, oblivious to the outside world. The pub had gone back to being noisy but the air was still ringing from the appearance of not one but two of the Petrova-Dvorjak sisters. I didn't realize I was that anti-social but I usually kept a low profile than Tanya or Irina. We had to since we are not as normal as much as we try; but all of us loved Denali so we sacrificed social lives for being left in peace, forever if necessary.

I gave one last look at Rina, sighing with relief. She and Corey will be busy for the entire night; she won't be home until late morning at least, perfect time to warn Edward upon his arrival. I heard a soft sigh in front of me and with a start I looked to the now envious Jason, also known as Jay, who was following my gaze at Rina and Corey.

_I wonder why she's so relieved. It can't be because she's alone with me; she seems so distant when she isn't staring at her sister. I know she's the youngest but she seems so protective._ Poor Jay, I'm not giving my whole attention to him. I better act normal without trying to finish his sentences. I fully appreciated Edward's gift; now I know why I rather save this gift of mine on my kind rather than the mortals. It tiring but I hadn't expected to connect mentally with Jay so fast. It might have been because both our minds were open and easily accessible, which also explains why Eleazar tapped into mine just as easily as well. He must've heard my conversation with Tanya as well as the earlier thought of this human girl and Edward while speaking with Tanya. _I'm dying to spend some time with her but I have to ask why she's so distracted._ I looked at Jay when he began to speak,

"You look so relieved yet distracted. I wonder why since Rina was the one practically planning your murder if you didn't get here on time." His eyes were shy, but his mind was curious as to why I seem engrossed in Rina's plans rather than my own, or probably our own since I have been thinking about him on and off this entire day since I came back from hunting.

"Well I was wondering if she was going to leave us to ourselves. She's so endearing but frustrating at the same time although the word endearing and frustration isn't what's going through my mind concerning her rude behavior to you and I. She tends to hang around when she isn't needed anymore; I was waiting for the constant nagging she tends to unleash when it concerns me." I sighed for dramatic effect, to illustrate our sisterly feuds and constant disagreements over our respective love lives.

Jay laughed. "Well, she is pretty demanding in a very dictatorship kind of way. I'm sure Hitler would've wanted her in his corner. He might've fared better, God forbid."

I smiled. "She doesn't share power well. If Alaska were its own country in Hitler's time she would have had him 'taken care of' by his own Gestapo. I don't think any of those power hungry men would have stood a chance with Rina as a leader. She needs power like she needs venison." I snickered loudly at her preference for deer, which sounded not so much as my usually reserved self. Jay started laughing a bit more loudly, and I saw why. Rina was glaring at us, especially at me, and I was grateful for Corey's intervention when he softly kissed Rina on the side of her neck. She snapped out of her glowering to focus her attention back to Corey.

"You didn't answer my question though. You seem preoccupied. Am I keeping you from something," Jay asked. He seemed to hesitate at the word something and in his mind he actually had said _someone._ He looked at me, eyes kind but sad.

"Oh no! You're not keeping me from anything at all. You see, an old friend of mine is having trouble and he's coming to visit. I'm just so concerned since he's like a brother to me." I spoke softly while closing my eyes. I couldn't help it. Although I couldn't read his mind, part of me felt lost. I am not an empath like Jasper but this was so utterly bizarre, it was almost as if I was feeling Edward's feelings. It can't be; that isn't my gift. I shook my head as I chased the thought away. I opened my eyes to see Jay looking at me with concern.

"If you want to go to him, I would understand." His eyes were kind, but his mind was bracing for disappointment. He looked towards our own respective relatives, where they each were busy kissing each other's hand, wrist, fingers, etc. Jay looked almost envious. _As much as I would love to be in Corey's place, I rather respect Katrina than hope for a one nighter. Her concern for this old friend is sincere so I don't know why I am jealous. But if she has to go, I won't be sorry. Apparently me and Corey were one in so few that spoke to these remarkable sisters. _He looked back at me, and smiled when he saw my own smile on my face. It was a miracle I was able to smile; I had to fight that shout of NO that was building within me when he was thinking I wanted to leave him. Oh, Jay, as if I could disappoint such eyes as yours. I was able to find my voice miraculously,

"I don't have to leave yet. My friend won't be coming in until tomorrow morning so I have at least until dawn to…wait. I rather not wait alone. I would love your company. I don't want to be alone tonight." It was true. I needed a man for the night, if not the carnal pleasure, I would settle just having to talk to Jay. He was kind and although his eyes were hungry when he first saw me, he did want to know more of me. Of course, for his own good, he can't know all about me. There are some things I want to share with him, and I won't deny myself that I agreed with what Irina told me that morning; that it was time that I enjoyed the company of a man. While Irina means in the way she is desperate to have with Corey, I just want to the company of a man to hold me and listen. I looked down, while listening to Jay's thoughts:_ She is just too beautiful. She seems so lonely. God help me I want to be there for her as long as she needs me. _I looked up from my eyelashes, and stared into his beautiful eyes. They reminded me of the Mediterranean, mixed with clashes of blue and green and almost silver, just like the emotions going through his eyes. I reached out to his hand, and he touched mine, briefly shocked by my cold touch.

"I'm sorry, I should warn you. I tend to be cold-hearted; it's hard to warm it when it's been long dead from past heartaches." I looked at him blankly, and his eyes were mirroring mine. _I rather not bore her, but I can relate._ I smiled sadly at his attempt to understand the heartaches I speak of.

"Jason…" I began but he interrupted me which I knew he would do. I couldn't call him Jay without being given permission. Not all people want to be called by a nickname; Irina didn't like it when any of us call her Rina, so the nickname stuck just to annoy her. She knew that we called her Rina behind her back, but she couldn't prove it.

"Please, call me Jay." He smiled, with the hint of sorrow gone but with contentment twined around his smile. I smiled in return.

"Hello Jay. I'm Kate." I grinned. "Want to go for a walk? It's cold but for some reason it warms me." He got up and held his hand out to help me from the chair. I didn't need it but I reveled in this kind of attention. I didn't get it much when I was human, so why deny it when it is so rare now days? I cringe when I see how some mortal teenage boys attempt to get a girl's attention. They have so much to learn, yet when they're older some men never really learn much despite the years of being such goons and failed experiences.

I stood up from my seat, I glanced back at the now empty table that Rina and Corey had vacated God knows when. I gave an exasperated sigh while Jay laughed at my expression. I could feel his eyes on me when I slowly glided to the door of the pub, and his thoughts were subdued but almost reverent. _Look how she walks, like an angel. She is just in no hurry and takes time to be aware of everything. How weird but charming._ I smiled at his musings, and he took my hand into his; the warmth spread throughout my entire arm. I was reveling in it and without even thinking I laid my head on his very well built shoulders. It didn't seem like it but Jay was very well muscled…more so that I had given him credit for. I closed my eyes as we were walking down to the main square. For the first time in a decade, I felt blissful, at peace. With my eyes still closed, I asked Jay,

"So what do you want to do? We have all night." I softly smiled and in a very human way I snuggled closer to him. He sighed as his head met mine which was still on his shoulder.

"I want to know more about you. I didn't know about you or your family until today when I saw you walking on the outskirts of the town. I was just so drawn to you, but oddly afraid as well." He voiced his entire thought and he stilled as he realized his error; he hadn't meant to tell me everything that he was thinking. I smiled at his natural instinct, and was grateful that he was still by my side.

"Well, what do you want to know? It's only 8pm. I don't have to be home until dawn." I smiled up at him and looked into his eyes; I mentally prepared myself as I heard where his mind was going. I waited until he decided to speak.

"I want to know anything you will tell me about yourself."


	5. The Morning Twilight Hour

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the twilight characters; they all belong to stephenie meyer. Althought the Denali coven is part of her creation, this is my interepation on their connection to the Cullens so I have given them last names and history of sorts to be explained in detail. Jason Arthur and Corey Lee, however, my creation and Im in love with both of these guys...I just don't know which one._

_**A/N:** The appearence of Edward will last for a couple of more chapters; chp. 6 won't be up for awhile since Edward and his current misery is going to be so hard to capture. As for this story in itself, the story is dedicated to Serene Twilight who has become a treasured friend and gives me the boost to continue writing this little fanfic of mine. Serene, you are a great friend. Thank you for your support and for loving Jay as much as I do. 3

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The Morning Hour

It was midnight, and I was in his arms. Jay and I had talked about each other's lives, although I listened rather than I talked. There was only so much I can say without truly revealing myself and my family. I knew that he was fascinated by my mysterious nature, and it did not escape his notice that my answers were evasive whenever I answered his questions concerning my life. But my avid curiosity and my intense manner in which I listened to him kept all talks about me at bay: he only asked a few questions that were easy enough to answer to a certain extent. Although the answers were easy, it was difficult at the same time. It was hard not to go into detail on how Irina and Tanya became my sisters, why I chose to become part of their "life", and how Eleazar and Carmen became part of our lives, completing our family as a whole. When I did speak of them, it was hard to ignore my love and devotion to my family dripping through my well-guarded answers, which Jay took notice of as well as touched his mind. _I wish I could hear more about them, they seem so fascinating and so different than anyone I have ever known, so above anyone I have ever spoken to. But I wonder about her real family._ His thoughts were not lost on me, and my face slightly fell, at memories that didn't really fade, and he noticed.

"What's wrong? Did I say something?" He looked so concerned, as if he was ashamed to have said anything at all._ No one this lovely or sweet should be sad._ Without going into too much gory detail, I gathered my thoughts and I spoke softly into his neck, since my head was on his shoulder.

"Talking of Tanya and the others reminds me why I chose to be with them. My parents died when I was really young, and before I met Tanya and Irina, I was utterly alone. Come to think of it, I really didn't start living until they became my sisters. I could have asked for no better than those two; they saved me from dying." The long dormant rage slightly bubbled just thinking of the events that had spiraled out of control in my human life and how calming the memory of meeting the sisters that would come to save me from a life worse than death soothed me. If I could have cried, I would have done so. I would have felt no shame in crying in front of a complete stranger whom I desired not only his body but his comforting words. I inhaled, taking in his scent, feeling the typical tightening of my throat, the excess of venom that coated my teeth but just as quickly receded into almost nothing. It gets annoying when that natural instinct of mine comes out, especially when I'm caught off-guard, but as a whole I was practically immune to human blood since I gave it almost 1,000 years ago…shortly after the time of my rebirth. I breathed in his scent, and I sighed with contentment. Jay buried his nose in my hair, breathing in my own scent which must have been inviting to him, a scent used to attract the prey I had hunted so long ago, the prey I had long since given up and to give them the life they deserved.

As he was breathing into my hair, I traced his surprisingly defined arm, not typical of one of his lanky build. My favorite part of a man's body was always the arms, even in my human days; the smooth yet rough contours of his skin were so unlike the skin of my kind and much more enticing. I wanted to lift my head so my lips can meet his, but I was enjoying this form of contact too much to just throw it away for physical pleasure. This was the nearest to heaven that I would ever come close to as long as I exist, and I let myself get lost in the amazing feeling of this beautiful human touching me and caressing me so wantonly but innocently. My free hand held his while my other was continuously tracing his arms and shoulders, and his own hand was holding my head close to his neck.

He was so unlike the other guy Rina had set me up with weeks ago, a rather unimaginative human who just wanted one of the Petrova-Dvorjak sisters. He settled on me, although his desire was Rina; naturally Carmen and I decided to have our fun with him. We each had him believing we were women who held men against their will to perform "special" favors in order to live. Eleazar had told the town that the man himself wanted to recruit Carmen and me as his property. The town was outraged at this and the man practically was laughed out of town when he was sobbing that WE were the real captors and he was about to be bound to us. Naturally the town believed us; we rarely visit the town but whenever we did we were kind to the townsfolk and helped with any charities we could. Our family contributes to the Wild Life Preserve of the Denali National Park (which Rina thinks is hilariously ironic) therefore the town was convinced that the man was insane. He was known to be rather disgusting to the females of the town; so when he was trying to convince some of the regulars. He was not quite welcome around anymore, especially when he accused me, the silent Dvorjak girl who was never a problem to anyone around her, unlike the rambunctious Irina.

But Jay was so humane, so kind although his instincts were nervous about being with me, almost afraid. I smiled at the humans' inability to realize that as a vampire we were dangerous, though as people we were almost human. He was genuinely interested in me as a person rather than a poor little rich girl (some of the townsfolk are aware that I had a small fortune to my name; it was left to me from an old vampire who I was involved with many years ago decided I was more worthy of it since he couldn't be around humans anymore; with Alice's help my fortune was slightly enlarged) that was silent and anti-social. He didn't see me as a challenge; though his instincts as a man wanted something more from me, he was satisfied to have a girl want him for him, who listens to him and makes him feel wanted as a person too. He talked of his family, his religion, his goals and dreams as an photographer; I was captivated and so was he. I also was aware that time was so precious to humans, that they constantly quote that time would only tell yet in this case time will prolong the inevitable. The time would come when he wanted to continue on, live a normal life that I couldn't give him that included family and days in the sun. I could never provide what he wants, and he sensed it. I knew from his thoughts that my time with him was limited but if he waits time will straighten it out. But time was not on his side, I sadly reminded myself. He could mean someone to me, and as a human he can never be with me without risking his life. I looked up to say what needed to be said, the goodbye that was to be made, but the words were not even formed on my lips or mind. His lips were on mine, for I could say nothing; it was too late. All was silent, except for his wistful thoughts. _As long as I take a kiss away with me, then it will be enough for forever._

The morning twilight was above me as I lay on the grassy knoll near the house, reliving the hours that passed between Jay and I. He left half an hour ago and I fled to my room to change into my favorite Nick and Nora flannel pajamas. Tanya was in the living room, frustrated but concerned that Rina and I were gone the whole night; she loved the mortal men just as we did but at times Rina was reckless, whereas I was usually cautious which is why Tanya was surprised and worried at my long term absence. That was when I fled back to the knoll, especially when I heard Eleazar tell her I was home after spending the night with Jay. Carmen was pleased, but Eleazar and Tanya were not so sure. I thought over these developments as well as Edward's impending arrival when I arrived back on the knoll where he and I were just at.

After our kiss, which lasted for almost ten minutes, we decided that indeed time will tell of our situation. I at least was comforted that my gift of tapping into the mind will give me a heads up when the need to cut ties should occur. I promised Jay, and myself, that whenever each of us got too close we were to break our ties with one another. I had warned him that I was not emotionally ready for a stable relationship; I'd heard these thoughts from both men and women so often that I decided I should use it. Jay, obviously, was not at all surprised at my reason. He had snickered while I frowned at his light-hearted way as he listened to my rather lame explanation. He did acknowledge that he was also not ready, because he himself had just gotten out of a long-term relationship that was headed for matrimony which abruptly ended. He had closed his mind unwittingly and his mouth when he uttered these words; I didn't press on though my curiosity was now at an all time high. He agreed with me that should an opportunity arise he would take it with, regardless of either party's feelings. Thankfully, I would be two steps ahead of him when these thoughts would occur and to save further heartbreak it would be I to let him go. After our agreement we continued our kissing and other borderline innocent/kinky stuff that needed a whole new name on its own.

I sighed happily at these thoughts, feeling the excitement lurch in my stomach; it was going to be a beautiful typical day here in Alaska and for the moment I forgot my temporary worries. _You're with another human?! Good Lord, can't Tanya rein you in?!_ I cringed at the irritation of this voice. Edward was nearby and he had heard my thoughts. DAMN. I didn't realize my mind was open to any gifted, mind-reading vampires who were on a depression kick. A snarl was heard in my head, and I sighed heavily. Edward was never thrilled at any of our dalliances with the humans, especially Rina's romps and on occasion Tanya and I. He thought we were consistently playing with fire and risking exposure; one time he voiced this and Rosalie had surprisingly agreed. Emmett had to restrain Rosalie while Jasper had calmed my emotions with his gift of a true empath. I was briefly restrained by Alice and Eleazar who immediately saw what would have happened: nothing too bad but it was Emmett's anger that would have caused serious damage. I braced myself for the old argument when I fled back home. Tanya was in the living room, waiting for either her sisters or Edward.

"Eleazar saw you and Rina with the humans…" Tanya was glaring at me but not too much in anger, thankfully. _How many hearts do you intend on hurting to even the score of a life long gone?_ I narrowed my eyes and Tanya's earlier frustration flared.

"Enough. I don't have time for this. Jay and I have made an agreement…" I suddenly realized that Eleazar and Carmen were not in the house or in the area. "Where is Eleazar, I thought he would have seen the discussion between Jay and I." I was confused. Tanya was slightly soothed and she answered,

"Both Carmen and he decided to go up north to stay out of Edward way. He was kind of evasive. He said you would understand." Tanya looked at me with a questioning look when it suddenly clicked. I shook my head at her, warning in my face that now was not the time. I immediately closed my mind when I remembered Edward was close. "Edward is nearly here. I'm going to go change and then leave Edward to himself for awhile. He needs time to think as do I." Tanya looked shocked.

"But yesterday you were ready to ambush him; you were going to keep a vigil on the porch. What's with the 180 degree change?" _What's going on?_ _He trusts you._ I shook my head.

"What he needs is time to decide what to do from here. You're a good listener and he needs to talk rather than listen to me rant. When he's ready, he'll find me." I proceeded to go upstairs to change when I heard a car come up our lane. I sighed and flung myself at the couch by Tanya. She looked at me. _I thought you were going to go?_

"I decided to wait until Edward came inside. I don't want to be rude and it would look like I was fleeing from him." The irritated voice was back in my mind. _And why would you flee?_ Not only was he depressed but he managed to be irritated with me at the same time. I made a face at the absurdity at Edward's melodramatic nature. I heard him growl even more loudly than before and I looked at Tanya warily.

"He's coming up the path". Tanya got to the door just as Edward was about to open it. This was still the Cullens home, so it wasn't so surprising at his failed attempt to come in on his own. Tanya welcomed him with a bear-crushing hug and I smiled. Although she was not as vocal or obvious as Rina, I knew that deep down long ago Tanya had a soft spot for Edward; honestly who could blame her? Set aside the arrogant need to be right, Edward was one of the most fetching vampires ever to behold. I looked at Edward who immediately got nervous while hugging Tanya. I frowned and thought, _it is not like she threw herself at you, Edward. Be nice, for crying out loud._ I looked at him with a face that was known to be my ultimate death will come for you look. He softened his expression and the shame returned full throttle. I had to breathe in long breaths; this was getting bizarre. I was feeling what he was feeling and it confused me; I was no empath as Jasper. Edward was back on dwelling on his guilt though he smiled at Tanya and proceeded to hug me when he got a good look at my sleep apparel: my Nick and Nora pajamas with cupcakes all over the place on a pink background, cotton candy pink. He looked at me shrewdly. _And did you SLEEP well, Katrina? _His tone was scathing and my patience had reached its no fuse mark. I matched his glare and in a tone that surpassed his I hissed,

"Just because I can't sleep DOES NOT prohibit my right to be comfortable. Besides, they're cute as hell." I marched off and I turned when I reached the stairs. _I refuse to be here with you if you don't relax, get some fresh air, AND FOOD!_ I stalked up the stairs without another look. Edward's voice came to my mind.

_Kate, I'm so sorry. _As I went into my room, I had to be careful when I slammed the door. Between Irina and I we were up to fifteen doors respectively. I managed somehow to slam the door at a human speed; when I was sure the door was still on its hinges I threw myself on my bed. It was an unnecessary accessory but I fell in love with it an estate sale. I heard Tanya sigh with relief; _I was so sure that was going to be door number sixteen. Thanks, sweetie._ I smiled up at the roof while Tanya was explaining to Edward the whereabouts of the rest of the family. I closed my mind, knowing that Edward was trying to hear my thoughts concerning his dilemma; in response to my silent mind he growled at me. I had reached my limit; I got up. I dressed in my favorite Seven jeans, pulled on a long-sleeved shirt and a cute hoodie that I found at the pub a few weeks ago. I stuffed my feet into my Vans and bounded down the stairs. Tanya was looking at a distraught Edward. I almost wanted to laugh aloud; if anyone is good at being a silent sufferer it was Edward. Thank GOD I closed my mind. I looked at my friend sympathetically, though I was still annoyed.

"I'm going to meet up with Irina at the outskirts of town then I'll head up the mountain range. If 'anyone' wants to talk, you'll know where to find me." I looked at Tanya and then at Edward. He grimaced while he silently nodded at my announcement, and Tanya looked up at me with sadness in her eyes, at a loss at what to do. I went to hug her and I silently told her as I accessed her mind:_ He can't accept what he's done to his family and almost what he's done to this girl. Just be here to listen, that's what he needs. Make sure to remind him of Esme's ability to love and forgive._ She nodded and hugged me tightly, keeping her mind silent of what just passed, but she also thought out to me, not caring if Edward listened. _Just be careful, Katie._ I smiled, and hugged her just as tightly. My family always called me Katie whenever they were concerned, worried, or saying my name as a way to let me know the conversation that would be had was to be in strictest confidence. Rina was usually the one to call me Katie, so for Tanya to call out to me with Katie means she was worried about me.

I left the house, silent as a whisper. I returned to the knoll, knowing that Rina would be passing by soon. I was awashed with that now familiar guilt and shame; Edward's guilt and shame had returned, overshadowing his entire being. I slowly fell onto my folded knees and wondered at this recent phenomenon. Edward and I were connected through our emotions, this much was certain. But what on earth brought this out? It was so random and impossible. Our gifts were similar but also completely different; he couldn't help hear people's thoughts and I could choose whose mind I can read. I was contemplating on talking to Carlisle about this should this crisis reach a conclusion when I heard someone approaching me. I looked and snickered when I saw it was Irina, demanding access to my mind. She threw herself at me, hugging me and grinning, regaling me in her mind of the amazing time she spent with Corey. She didn't want Tanya knowing that her night with Corey was equivalent to an entire day at the gym for a human; I snickered some more when it occurred to me that Tanya was still tapped into my mind. I heard her groan in grossed out frustration at the gym comparison. I laughed and I looked at Irina; it was easier for us women vampires to have some fun with the mortal men. Their stamina is usually up for ours, yet sometimes we tend to leave them literally weak in the knees and come to think of it, the pelvic area as well. I guffawed as I thought to Irina; _Do NOT tell me you wore him out to death?_ She smirked at my look of mock solemnity.

_Better to wear out than rust out!_ She put on a face of innocence while I continued to laugh. I held my gaze to her as I thought,

_Seriously, is the boy in one piece? He is Jay's cousin and I hope you kept your enthusiasm to a minimum._ At Jay's name, she stopped smiling all goofy-like and she pouted.

_Yes, I behaved. We made another date tonight; he's taking me to dinner._ She made a face while I started to howl with laughter.

"Does he know he's the dinner?" Rina had flung herself at me, but I knew ahead of time where this was going to lead. I ran up towards a tree and settled myself on a tree branch while I was still howling. She had a dress on, and knowing Rina, she was not about to ruin it with stains just to tear her sister to shreds.

"GET DOWN HERE NOW!! DO NOT make me tear this tree down!!!" She was furiously glaring at me and in a minute or two she will make her threat a reality. I yelled down to her,

"Good luck. Tanya will set you on fire if you do tear this tree down. By the way, Tanya has been tapped into my mind since I left the house." Rina froze, and possibly even paler than she is now. She coughed before speaking.

"What is she threatening to do?" She was petrified and I loved it.

"You're lucky she is too preoccupied at the moment to fully care. She's trying hard not to kill you, though she thought Corey taking you to **dinner** was beyond hilarious." I continued laughing while she slithered down to the stump of the tree, relieved. I kept my face impassive and I closed off my mind to both Tanya and Rina; she looked up at me, questioningly.

"Why did you do that for?"

"Well Tanya already knows; besides I don't want anyone intruding on my thoughts at the moment." I stared off into the beautiful horizon, lost in my own muc more pleasant thoughts. Rina was right next to me, hugging me from behind.

"So…are you in love yet?" She said this with some concern but with some excitement as well. _I know I can't hear you but I'm not that worried. He's perfect for you and it might work out as long as it lasts._ I leaned on Rina's chest, and closing my eyes.

"I know. He is so much more, too. I have a feeling that this one is the one that will fall apart before my eyes. It's going to be so hard to let him go, Rina." She hugged me tighter, just as Tanya did before I left the house.

"Oh, Katie." Her voice was full of concern, happiness, and worry. I couldn't tell what emotion was dominant in her mind and heart nor did I want to know. "Please be careful. He can make you happy but it might be miserable in the end if you don't let go when you need to. It's either your life or his, remember that. There are those who wouldn't like our connections with the human world." I knew she meant our old friends in Italy. I was not about to think about them just yet. I was to busy listening to what Rina was telling me. She said almost the same thing as Tanya told me. Even though we were sisters in spirit, Tanya was more of the mother hen while Irina and I were the definition of sisters: bickering and loving to downright annoying. When she met me when she and I were still human, she always was worried for my future. Back then she was sure of me being special in more ways than one, and I was always curious to know how she had always known. Some agree that her ability to beguile those around her to her every whim was considered her strength as a vampire, but I always believed it was her ability to see beyond the face of those around her that really was her true gift. It was so ironic that is what I believe her gift is when I wish that some of the mortal men and men of our kind would have had that same sense of seeing that after meeting the beauty that was Irina. It was hard sometimes to be fourth place after my sisters and Carmen, but Irina had managed to see that nature in Jay, the nature to look beyond the face which is why she supported the idea of me and him enjoying some time together, even falling in love. Rina can be so complicatedly lovely. I was remembering our days as Gypsies by the Moldau River in what is now the Czech Republic when Rina spoke.

"Oh, Katie, you're remembering aren't you? You know Tanya hates it when you do that. Sometimes she wonders if she did the right thing changing you." Rina was sad for Tanya's guilt, though she was the one who persuaded Tanya to change me. She knew it was the best thing and I agreed.

"She shouldn't since it was my choice. I would have had no life if I had continued life as a human. I had no one after Sebastian and **him.**" I shuddered with the anger that always bubbled when I thought of **him.** Rina quickly hugged me.

"I know and one of these days she'll realize this to be true." She held me closer that if I were human again my rib cages would have been crushed. Now that Edward was here, Tanya's apprehension of regret might be ignited again. I decided to let Irina in on the loop.

"By the way, Edward Cullen is here." The minute my words were out I didn't realize I was laying on the grass until I looked up at the branch that was just a second ago supporting me. Irina was staring at me, in stupid awe. "THANK YOU FOR THROWING ME OFF MY BRANCH YOU SILLY WOMAN!!!" I managed to get myself off the ground and I was beginning to see if my jeans were ripped in any place when I was lifted off the ground.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN EDWARD CULLEN IS HERE?!" Oh, man. This was going to be bad. Irina was practically snorting in rage, much like a rhinoceros would. I cringed at her evil glare while I managed to tell her why he had come.

"He had a traumatic ordeal yesterday and arrived about an hour ago. He's talking with Tanya on how long he would be able to stay. Before I tuned her out, Tanya told Edward he was welcome to stay as long as he wanted." Irina was still on the verge of tearing me to shreds when I heard footsteps. "Tanya is coming here. She's furious as to why you knocked me down the branch and she wants to discuss your 'dinner' date with Corey." With that said, her look of absolute fury disappeared only to be replaced with trepidation. With one more evil glance my way, she fled back to the house no doubt wanting to take advantage of Edward being alone. I slithered down to the grassy knoll, and I folded my legs and I awaited my visitor. _I don't know why you lied to her._

I glanced towards a brush beyond my sight. _Yes, because you wanted her to hang on to your every word while you came to talk._

Behind the brush, Edward appeared. He looked like hell, so to speak. My eyes softly appraised him and if I had the urge to cry it would have been now. He came to me, eyes gaunt and haunted. His eyes were black and his expression was of complete uncertainty and misery.

I got up and held out my hand. He slowly took it.

"Come on. You need to hunt if you ever want to be within 30 feet of a human again." He nodded in agreement, and we were off to the mountain range, where I knew his turmoil of his mind was about to break.


	6. The Deciding Hour

_**A/N:** This is an edited version of The Deciding Hour which is much better than the earlier version thanks to my friend Sara aka Daimios who retouched the chapter with a flourish of her own talents. Thank you Sara for taking the time to preview the chapter and your compliments on it. Once again, love to Serene Twilight who is now insisting I update with a future chapter 7. Love to you and love to Sara, my girls of the Lexicon Sac&Lit thread.

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The Deciding Hour

I was sitting on my favorite branch; the same one Irina knocked me out of just awhile ago, listening to Edward hunt. I wasn't even paying attention to him until I looked over some of the trees to see him on his fourth bear, and I was startled. He just had some coyotes that were on the edge of the clearing. I called out to him, worried.

"Edward." He was finishing the bear off with an animalistic fury, more viciously than Emmett's worse. He glared up at me, his fury mounting. _I need more._ I stared at him, dumbfounded but I recollected myself; I thought _not if you intend on affecting the wild life…**we** still live here too._ I frowned at him slightly but the familiar shame that has become part of me engulfed my soul. I was getting used to it, but it bothered me nonetheless. Edward continued glaring at me, but his eyes had softened when he saw my changes of expression, changes he couldn't pinpoint.

I looked at him pleadingly, _please settle down. We can go further up the mountain range if you want to continue to hunt. You just can't do it here at the rate you're going._ He slightly shook his head and gazed up at the sky above us; _I think I just need this now. The air smells so good here…I just want this right now. I feel like it's been a long time that I ever truly breathed in the air and appreciated it._ He was sitting below me, leaning on the tree that held the branch I was contently sitting on. I heard his thoughts, a jumbling of words, of shame and guilt. I sat still, gazing at the horizon and waiting in patience. He sighed.

"I don't know if I can go back." I was startled by his voice; he and I had been communicating mentally all morning and afternoon. I looked down at him, waiting. "I don't know what I can do to curve this urge, this need to feed off of…" He trailed off in silence._ I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it._ He was startled to see me before him; I gazed at him sadly and took his hands into my own. He didn't even notice my filial motions; he was staring into my eyes. _I forget how human you look. Your eyes can throw off anyone, even the Volturi._ I smiled slightly.

He then realized his hands were in mine, for all of a sudden my own were empty. I frowned slightly, since we were always close, like siblings. He had looked away. _I don't feel right holding your hands._ I closed my mind as I thought to myself, _he feels he isn't allowed. Interesting._ He looked at me sharply. _Why did you close your mind?_

"I closed my mind so you couldn't hear the insults I was hurling at you for thinking I would even think of you in that regard, Edward Cullen." I was frowning again and he looked at me apologetically.

I don't know. It didn't feel…right." I smirked, _The last thing we need is Irina thinking that I was trying to steal you._ He smiled weakly, though it wasn't even remotely half-hearted. I shook my head, and with new determination, gazed at Edward.

"You have to go back." _Think of your mother and father._ I stressed the last part of the sentence and his soul shuddered in shame. I had to struggle to keep my composure…he didn't need to know just yet of this new sense was slowly overshadowing my own being. His thoughts invaded my mind, _It's too strong._ "What is?" He shook his head, and sighed.

"The scent." He hung his head, the weakness becoming a reality. I waited for clarification, pretending I didn't know what he was talking about; I kept my mind silent, and he reluctantly continued. "Saying it out loud, admitting that I am not as strong as I had thought, and to let this scent overtake me completely...is just too much to bear. This scent is the most amazing I have ever known, heavenly and luscious. To think that this scent has been in existence and I its predator have to shy away from it, it's excruciating to know I can and cannot have it."

His golden eyes took a darker hue; I was speechless. I was rapt with fascination as Edward, my friend, was slowly becoming the essence of our kind as he described the scent that drove him away from his family, as flashes of the girl in question were going through his mind, the former plots of planning her death still so vivid. I was enraptured, and I couldn't deny my own old instinct that had resurfaced at this description. He was becoming a true predator, a monster broken from his façade of indifference, the animalistic fury I had seen unleashed earlier with several of the wildlife. He continued with his confession, his weakness.

"How can I go back and not have this mere child? I am entitled to her blood, the warmth of a blood that can only be as delicious as its scent. How can I just overlook my right as a monster, her life should be mine. She _will_ be mine." My dazed facade shattered; a girl's life was at stake and his future with his family was slowly going to, putting it mildly, hell. I was surprised to see he was no longer before me. I heard his voice from the other part of the clearing of the forest. He was ashamed again of where his inner demon took him and I decided that it was time to try to help him. _Where are you?_ I wondered.

"I need more." He responded to my question of where he was. A commanding voice with an authority I had never have heard before rang through the air, so naturally I was surprised to know it was my own.

"Come back now, Edward Anthony Masen."Suddenly he was before me, as a ghost of his former self, shaking with anger as I stood my ground. I stepped onto a rock, using the higher ground so I could look down at him. His nostrils flared as I stared cooly at his shocked expression.

"What. Did. You. Call. Me?" He pronounced this sentence as if he were talking to a child or an incompetent fool of an adult. My fury heightened.

"You are no son of Carlisle if you give in to the darkness." I flew to the side of the clearing when he lunged at the rock I had been standing at. He growled in frustration. _I KNOW you can hear me. I can't believe you blocked your mind again._ I smugly looked at his and my snarl was evident to his ears and to the wildlife around us. The clearing was silent as two vampires glared at each other with equal, but differently placed, distaste.

"Carlisle has never fed off of a human since his rebirth over 300 years ago. For almost one thousand years my sisters and I gave up on the feeding of human men. Carmen and Eleazar are happily enjoying their four hundreth year of sobriety." I smirked and the faintest smile briefly curved the corners of Edward's mouth.

"You don't understand Kate. This was—" He tried to explain, but I interrupted him. I had to put this in clear, irrefutable terms.

"No. There is no scent that can't be overcome." I was adamant. Edward was just as adamant.

"You make it sound so easy." He practically snarled the words at me. My own snarl became doubly pronounced.

"Because it is that simple if you just accept the truth of what we are and the choices we are still able to embrace." He looked at me warily, his mind blank. I took that as a silent acquiescence to continue on.

"Carlisle and my own family have been at this a bit longer than you, ole wise one. The key is to be human, see them as humans, not prey, and embrace the humanity that we can still obtain." His expression was bemused which grew more pronounced at my scowling but I didn't stop. "You know Carlisle's story, why he chose to do the opposite of what he was born to do as a vampire. How was that accomplished? Because he embraced the importance of humanity."

His thoughts invaded my speech, _What do you know of something so strong. Dammit I wish you couldn't read minds at will._ He cringed as my anger almost exploded, but his accordant guilt and sadness overpowered me just as strongly. I grew silent, and took deep breaths. Edward was below me, shocked at my continued silence.

It was well known that once I was angry there really was no stopping it. Several times I had to be restrained by Edward and Eleazar when some of my arguments with Rosalie escalated to unparallel heights; one time Emmett threatened me with absolute death if I let my anger get the best of me. Edward was remembering this as well as I sorted through the guilt and uncertainty of Edward's personal demons. An eerie calm replaced the anger, and I decided that Edward had another story to hear. Edward had joined me at the branch, before me, waiting for more. He had sensed rather heard my thoughts of continuing the story.

"Edward, you know I've roamed the Earth for over a millennia. For the first decade of my new life, I fed off of humans. Mainly men, since it was easier to lure them out from wherever they were. Men that were so easily seduced by my _beauty_," I growled the last word, like a curse. Edward was even more shock by the pure venom coloring my tone.

"Men back then, were too easily overtaken and subdued. Nothing short of horror can equate drinking from their veins, sinking my teeth into their flesh, seeing the fear in their helpless eyes, knowing like they knew that they would never see the white light of the Hereafter. I was the black angel of death, sent to end their miserable, wretched lives. Their blood meant nothing, but the power...oh, the power of controlling them before they died was _intoxicating_. I thrived on it, I wanted more, so the more senselessly I took their blood. Females didn't have such power, especially in the Middle Ages. I was supposed to be a young girl, meant to live a good life by the poor man Moldau River." I closed my eyes as the picturesque memories passed behind my eyes, the dark delights I had reveled in. And all of this was retribution for what one man had taken from me...

_Oh, Katrina, what happened?_ Edward's voice in my mind brought me back to the reality before me, and I smiled sadly for a moment before I continued the tale.

"The thoughts of the men changed at times. Those that truly regretted what they have done started to haunt me after their death. Suddenly their blood meant nothing to me, the thrill of the power started to wane. I realized I was playing God. I was not only fulfilling my thirst as a vampire; I was fulfilling my thirst for revenge and death. Their blood soon became disgusting to me, to drink, to taste. There were some men that truly were decent and I took their life in return for a life taken away from me. I was becoming unhappy and saddened that I was playing a role that I shouldn't continue. Tanya and Irina do not have my gift of reading minds, but they were also unhappy. As humans they always cherished the company of men and taking their lives unnerved them as well. Their conscience was minimal to mine, as I had taken advantage of my gifts and 'beauty'". I laughed at the inane term.

"We decided that we couldn't do it anymore. Tanya and Irina knew it would be harder for me since I wanted their lives for a whole other purpose." I looked at Edward when memories once again started playing from a carefully hidden reel of my long ago life. His eyes widened in shock and pain. Suddenly, I was in his lap as he held me as a big brother would, his grip comforting as each memory grew more vivid and too real.

"Oh my God, Kate. Did he really…" he couldn't finish his sentence or the thought. His mind grew still at the sudden force of my memory.

"Yes. After _he_ took what he forced from me, he beat me and left me for dead. My fiancé Sebastian was dead; he died when he was trying to stop that vile man from hurting me…from taking my virginity with brutal force. He had beaten Sebastian until his face was barely recognizable. He would have done the same to me, but I was unconscious from the screaming and the pain from the previous ordeal. I was in a bloody mess when Tanya found me. She was about to feed off me when Irina stopped her."

Edward looked at me oddly. I clarified, "Irina and I were childhood friends. Our tribes of the Slavic region were constant travelers together and we sort of grew up with one another. When I was orphaned, Sebastian's family adopted me and I moved with them to the country of Bohemia, which is now the Czech Republic. I don't know how but they both managed to heal me while fighting the thirst to feed off of me. After nursing me back I begged Tanya to change me." I heard Edward's sharp intake of breath, but I stared off to the horizon, watching the black slants of far away crows fly farther away.

"You asked for this life?" Edward was incredulous.

"I begged to live." I clarified.

"But Kate, this isn't a life worth having. To live in eternity without living in the sun without being exposed, to live as a demon, was your choice, your decision?" He was horrified.

"Edward, I had nothing left to live for. My honor was taken away by a man that was supposedly respected by our caravan. He had his own family while I had no one. If I had come back, I would have been made a mockery and a whore. I was alone, penniless, and my fiancé was dead, his body gone. He took Sebastian's body to hide the truth. Irina thinks that the man was still afraid of me being alive and therefore he had already concocted a back up story. She dragged the truth out of him before she killed him. It was his blood I drank after I was changed, which probably fueled my hatred of men. Tanya was heartbroken of what happened to me; I was only eighteen but already dead inside. I was a zombie. Irina convinced Tanya to change me, and when Tanya saw I was clearly, in essence, dead, she did what she needed to do. Irina had dragged him barely dead when I had gone through my transformation. I wished I had done it, I truly do. That's something I will wish for all my existence. But as a vampire I found the family I had thought I lost and I never once regretted my decision." I looked at him and his mind was in a frenzy, trying to sort through is myriad of questions. I waited rather than answered every question he had; he kept changing his mind I doubt I would have answered the same question he had thought of.

"Why is this the first time I have heard of this?" He looked puzzled. "I thought Irina and Tanya were changed by a lonely old vampire?" I laughed when I thought of that old vampire. He ended up liking me because of my forcible character. I was wondering where he was, when I remembered I had a story to finish and a point to make.

"This is true. You just assumed I was changed along with them since we are relatively the same age or in the same age bracket."

"But how did you know of what they were?"

"In those times, everyone believed the old wives' tales. Remember, the three of us were Gypsies of the Slavic region. Though we came from different tribes, we believed in every superstition and the existence of evil roaming the earth as creatures of God. When I saw Irina again, she had disappeared with another man from another caravan, as the rumor was told. When I saw her and Tanya and their features of physicality, I knew but felt no fear. I was already dead, and seeing them I felt peace."

"Kate, I still don't understand why you chose…" he wasn't able to finish. I cut him off with a curt response.

"Then Edward, you never will." I jumped off his lap, landing on the soft grass before me. I lightly threw myself on the grassy mound where just hours ago I was with Jay, in his beautiful arms. I remembered telling him of my family, the family I love with all my being and soul. Carmen introducing me to culture and musical sense, Eleazar becoming the brother I never had...my adventures with my sisters. These remedial memories were born from the same monster that had made me endure a decade of darkness. Dry sobs shook my form—sorrow intermingled with joy.

Once again I was lifted into a lap, Edward's lap. He held me again in the way Eleazar would, as a brother who couldn't bear his sister's pain. _This past millennium I have felt more human than I did in my own human life,_ I thought.

"I know. I think I understand a little." I sighed, drained from the powerful recollections. Edward was thinking of his own life, and his uncertainty grew as he pondered his future. I saw his memories, his days of rebellion at which he cringed, Esme's face that would smile at his piano playing. He was becoming homesick but he was still determined to stay with us. I felt it before I heard his decision.

"So…just be human?" He smiled at me, the same crooked smile that made Irina and Tanya swoon, though Tanya was more discreet. I giggled at his uniquely beautiful smile and I felt his confusion._ Just because I'm not attracted to you don't mean you're unattractive, especially when you grin._ I winked suggestively and he laughed a weak but genuine laugh.

"I know it doesn't sound as amazing as you were hoping for. But if you see this girl as a human, as a person, it might make the scent bearable if not deliciously enticing."

"How will that make a difference?" He frowned, still uncertain.

"Because you and your family distance yourselves from the humans."

"So do they and I might add, as does your family." Edward raised a sardonic eyebrow.

"Yes, but that is their subconscious telling them to be on their guard. But your coldness,"—Edward scowled at my word choice but I ignored him—"reinforces that defense. Esme and Carlisle are cordial _and _polite with the humans. All of you, not so much Alice, completely set yourself apart from them, though I understand Jasper has the better reason for it. You need to at least somewhat associate with them. As for us, we venture out once in awhile. The whole town knows that a family tragedy befell our family." I gave an earnest face as Edward snorted at my mock solemnity. "This explains why we are wary of strangers. They know enough of us, and respect our contributions to the society and the charities around here."

"So that is going to be my enlightenment of the day? Be human?" He was eyeing me as if I were insane, and his thoughts only reinforced the notion.

"Embrace the humanity, embrace the insanity." I smiled.

"Insanity?" He was smiling again; I was pleased at his slight change of humor. I snorted at his disbelief.

"Look around you, boy. Do you not see how screwed up the human race is? They aren't so blissful or smart." I laughed.

"Well, I knew that." He rolled his eyes as I thought; _if you did you wouldn't have questioned my opinion. _He eyed me warily as I continued laughing. "Hello, McFly. I am surrounded by teenagers. I think I grasp the insanity pretty well." I snorted again.

"Well not really. Teenagers don't count. Hormones instead of common sense rule their minds and bodies. It is a rite of passage. I would know sense I am technically nineteen and you my dear are an inexperienced seventeen year-old." I smiled sweetly as he glared at me. _You are calling me inexperienced? I am 104 years old. _He fumed at my opinion of him. I thought back; _well you are a virgin still right? What do you know of insanity if you haven't even had sex?!_ I started howling with laughter—his vicious roar barely disguised his embarrassment.

"Besides, I am much older than you, _boy_." My hysterical laughter dimmed as Edward's discomfort was replaced by loneliness. Edward lean on a tree, dejected. I felt stupid for mocking him, though he did ask for it. I was looking at him when he finally looked up at me. _I'm so sorry, Edward. _I looked away, wishing I could cry. _Its ok, Kate. I'm not mad. I just started letting my mind wander off._ I looked at him, as his thoughts were reflecting on his family and their significant others. I remembered what I thought of earlier, and I immediately closed my mind off. Edward sharply looked at me, his former rage slightly coming back.

"Why did you keep doing that? I don't want your pity!" He was back to being a fury incarnate on two legs.

"I didn't close it off because of pity, which I really do not have for you. I pity your family who would appreciate a call to at least know you're ok." I glared at him and his rage simmered down to shame. I was almost staggered; this was too much. I can officially sympathize with Jasper. My respect for him grew when I thought how much does he go through. Edward looked at me with uncertainty in his eyes, _I don't know if I can go back._ I hugged him, not caring if he was going to throw me to the other side of the state; luckily he hugged me back.

"Then stay as long as you need to. You are our family, too. This will always be your home." I hugged him with a final grip and let him go.

"I'm going to go up the mountain range and take in the crisp air of the park—the air is so refreshing here." I was about to ask him if he wanted to be alone when my phone startled me with Death Cab for Cutie's ring tone of _Title and Registration_. When Jay told me that Death Cab was his favorite band, I immediately set this favorite song of mine as his personalized ring. I was ecstatic to even just _hear_ my phone ring. I looked at Edward, who groaned.

"I have to take this call." I tried to sound apologetic, but I had to grin.

"Don't mind me—I need to be alone now, and decide what I must do." He sighed as the new feeling of uncertainty overwhelmed us at the same time. His uncertainty confused me, and he noticed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I will tell you later. By the way, I can tell you what's coming your way and it's up to you to decide what you're going to do about it."

I answered my phone and asked Jay to hold on. My grin became positively evil as Edward stared at me with a blank look. "We are going to have to decide on the sleeping arrangements." I started walking off talking to Jay on the phone, rather than staying to appreciate Edward's remarkable glower. Hearing Jay's voice lightened my mood even more, and, despite it all, I felt happier.


	7. Author's Note 0127

**Author's Note**

**01/26/07**

All my disclaimers and information of the characters in this story will be here instead of at the beginning of each chapter. There will be a side note referring to everyone to read the author's note to read the necessary disclaimers. I am also posting information of the family so anyone who wants to know a little bit more about them can just look here. I was going to post a playlist on my bio but its was not going the way I planned it so its here in the Author's Note section.

I do not own Twilight, New Moon, or any of the character's created by Stephenie Meyer. This is my interpretation of the Denali coven and the daily life of Katrina Dvorjak. Her gift as a vampire is that she can read the minds of others by touch; she can read their minds from afar only if she concentrates hard enough and/or of the other person's mind is open to be read. Her gift is easier with her kind with the exception of Jason, the human she meets whose mind is readily open for her to tap into. When she touches someone, though, she will read their mind regardless whether she wants to or not. Only when she is tapping into their mind she can block them. It is similar to Edward's gift but while it is hard for him to block, Kate can block at will unless it is by touch. When she is close to someone she can hear their mind from wherever she is at. Eleazar's gift is also similar to Alice's but he can see what is happening and what will the outcome be; Alice sees the future and the possible scenarios that can occur. The Twilight Lexicon character bio's say that Kate and Eleazar's gifts are similar to that of Edward and Alice's so I decided to take it from there.

The only characters that are of my own creation are Jason Arthur and Corey Lee. Corey is not that much of a vital character whereas Jason, or Jay, as he is called by Kate will be an important character to Kate and her family. Like I said this is my version of this particular family so everything I write is of my own mind though the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

While Tanya is in essence Kate's sister and creator therefore she can be sometimes a maternal figure, it is Carmen whom Kate sees as a mother figure. Carmen always encouraged Kate to learn more of the world and of her own feelings toward men in general. While Tanya and Irina in their own way still get involved with men of both kinds, Kate was one who was wary of it due to her past tragedy in her human life which has already been explained. Carmen came from a wealthy family in Spain when she was human and was a woman of class which Kate always fantasized about when she was a gypsy girl in her human life. She loves Tanya to pieces so both her and Carmen play the roles of mother at certain times. Irina and Kate have the sisterly friendship since they grew up together for awhile when each was human in the Slavic region of Europe. Although Tanya was the one who created Kate, it was Irina who wanted Kate to become a vampire to save her. Eleazar is the brother to the original Denali sisters, while Carmen is his beloved wife. He watches over the sisters as if they were his own, particularly Kate with whom he is very close with since they are each gifted that are beyond the vampire norm. Tanya carried over her compassion for humanity, like Carlisle, though she has an extra sense when someone's life is almost at end, an enhanced version of E.S.P. Carmen is a loving woman who never got the chance to have a family of her own so she sees the Denali coven as an extension of that; she also loves learning about anything that a woman couldn't do in her own time period which was a major catalyst for her to bond with Kate. She is also likes to shop but she likes finding stuff at antique shops or thrift stores. She's the combination of Esme and Alice but not as shopaholic as Alice neither as intense as Esme. It is a hobby for her not a passion. Irina is the seductress of the family and does what she wants as long as she doesn't hurt anyone in the process. She carried over her love of men in general which Tanya and her have in common. They are both carefree and always up for the moment.

**Updates**

I am currently writing the next chapter to the story which will be very long, I must say. I promise it will be up by the end of the weekend since I am currently recovering from a severe cold and other stuff that comes with a cold which has allowed me to really develop this story further because it has become a pastime of mine to indulge in. So although this is a bit of a teaser, I hope it will be worth the wait since it's a chapter full of fluff, past memories, and a showdown of sorts. To those that like the story thus far, thank you for the reviews and for the encouragement, with special thanks going to Serene Twilight who is Jay and Kate's number one supporter.

I want to add a playlist that goes with the story which can change from time to time though not that much. I have to confess an obsession with Death Cab for Cutie which will be featured a lot throughout the story; they are my favorite band therefore they have become Kate's favorite band because I am the author and I am in control. HA!!! So beware, the playlist is full of Death Cab and other random bands that I am currently obsessed with. I will post some pics of the house where the live in and Kate's room in particular in the near future. For now I hope you enjoy this bit of extra stuff that goes with the story.

1. Death Cab for Cutie-Transatlanticism

2. Coldplay-A Rush of Blood to the Head

3. U2-With or Without You

4. Muse-Starlight

5. Death Cab for Cutie-Title and Registration

6. The Decemberists-I Was Meant for the Stage

7. Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins-Melt Your Heart

8. The Pixies-Alec Eiffel

9. Nirvana-The Man Who Sold the World

10. Rilo Kiley-Science vs. Romance

11. Siouxsie and the Banshees-Face to Face

12. Siouxsie and the Banshees-Spellbound

13. Death Cab for Cutie-Expo 86

14. The Decemberists-California One/Youth and Beauty Brigade

15. The Decemberists-Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect

16. Coldplay-Don't Panic

17. Death Cab for Cutie-Prove My Hypothesis

18. Muse-Hysteria

19. Coldplay-Green Eyes

20. The Pixies-Here Comes Your Man

21. Jets to Brazil-Chinatown

22. Sunny Day Real Estate-Days Were Golden

23. Sunny Day Real Estate-Every Shining Time You Arrive

24. Rilo Kiley-Pictures of Success

25. Death Cab for Cutie-Soul Meets Body

26. Death Cab for Cutie-Your Heart is an Empty Room

27. Ludwig van Beethoven-9th Symphony

28. Ludwig van Beethoven-Moonlight Sonata

29. Ludwig van Beethoven-Romance

30. U2-I Will Follow

31. Bright Eyes-Sunrise, Sunset

32. The Get Up Kids-Valentine

33. Mates of State-Fraud in the 80s

34. Nine Inch Nails-Dead Souls

35. Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins-Handle With Care

36. Jessica Riddle-Even Angels Fall

37. Joseph Arthur-In The Sun

38. The Killers-For Reasons Unknown

39. The Killers-All These Things That I've Done

40. Laura Pausini-Entre Tu y Mil Mares(Between You and One Thousand Seas)


	8. Chp 7: The Angry Hour

**_Disclaimer:_** _I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or any of the characters by the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. The only two that are of my own creation are Jay and Corey. Read the Author's Note that was posted before this to answer any of your questions. Thank you to Serene Twilight who keeps urging me to complete this story and her concern as a true friend. Again, this story is dedicated to you.

* * *

The Angry Hour_

I strolled back to the house in a complete state of bliss; I had talked to Jay for almost two hours, time that seemed to have flown by in a blur. Time usually means nothing to me since I have been in existence for a millennia but on this occasion it seemed to have eluded me. I was a bit nervous at what that could possibly mean since I have only known Jay for 36 hours or less but that feeling was just as fleeting as time itself.

Edward was alone in the mountains, relaxing and enjoying the solitude that he desperately needed, grateful that I was tactful enough to spare him; he was, however, wary of my blooming relationship with Jay, though he won't say anything aloud. His thoughts were diplomatic but I can feel with this new sensibility of mine that he was uncertain of the constant contact that I was intent on having. He decided to leave the subject alone for the time being; he was adamant on staying with us as long as he was welcome, which he unanimously was. He still wanted to see Carmen and Eleazar but I wasn't sure how long they would be gone for…in fact I was almost too sure that Eleazar wouldn't come back unless Edward was gone. He wasn't good with blocking his thoughts with Edward, and he didn't want to alert our old friend on some thoughts concerning his downfall back at Forks.

Edward was beginning to appreciate our lifestyle and our limited but daily fraternization with the humans; he was most impressed by the three of us, Tanya, Irina, and me, with our easy control of being with a human physically. It seemed to me he was slightly more interested on that subject than he cared to admit. I smirked just remembering his curiosity that ran through his emotions, but he was reserving his opinions about the "relationships" that I sometimes tended to have once every decade.

The years that he lived with us and the rest of his family he kept mainly to himself, though he and Alice would always join me and Eleazar in some mind games that nearly drove Emmett to shredding us to pieces which in my humble opinion was fun. Edward was always introverted and each year that had passed while living with us he grew more so. At times he played the role of invisible man due to Irina's constant acts of seduction that always was a laugh to the rest of us, mainly for Emmett and me.

As I got to the house, still in utter bliss, I cringed. Irina was shouting at Tanya, verbally and mentally. She was also cursing me to several deaths, to which I almost choked at. I think I made her mad by tricking her that Tanya was the one who was coming to the clearing. I fled up the wall to my room to change back into my beloved Nick and Nora pj's, listening to the argument which I was sure had begun the minute Irina walked through the door.

"I CANNOT believe that you and Kate HID him from ME! AS IF I WAS A BEAST…" she was shrieking with such hate that I dreaded going back downstairs. I looked out the window, contemplating going to Edward or Jay.

"Well, the way you're YELLING at me suggests that yes, you are!" Tanya's voice was frustrated and tired, and the frustration was building to anger.

"I was not hiding him from you…not exactly." Tanya was interrupted with an A-HA from Irina which fueled her anger. "For crying out loud! He has just gone through an ordeal that made him leave his family…he left without telling Esme good-bye! Can you stop being selfish about your fantasies with him and remember that Esme is the mother he lost long ago, that she must be heartbroken that he just left without so much as a farewell!! My God, Rina! The last **_thing_**," Rina growled at Tanya's stressing at the word thing, "is a vampire intent on seducing him, trying to be stealth, which is ridiculous since the boy can read minds! You can be so embarrassing sometimes it hurts! From trying not to laugh so damn hard!" Irina was hissing with so much venom while Tanya must be glowering in a way that has made me cringe several times in my existence; I was now certain that I wanted to leave again. Tanya's thoughts burst forth in my mind. _**Where the hell** is Kate?! I am so damn done with this argument and I need it to end NOW!_ I tiptoed down the stairs by the doorway into our living room, waiting for Rina's next wind.

"What exactly happened? Why did he leave in such a rush? It seems so unlike him; he is usually so put together." Irina sighed with lust in her mind and I blocked her immediately, unwilling to see the images I had seen so many times before when the Cullens lived here.

"I don't really know what happened exactly. From what Eleazar saw, it was pretty serious. I don't know all the facts, which is why Kate wanted to be alone with Edward, to figure out what went wrong." Tanya was semi-calm when the wind that I was waiting for burst forth from Rina,

"Where IS Eleazar and Carmen?! Why haven't they been here? And why am I the last to know anything? It's like I don't even exist to you silly vampires!!! I am ALWAYS out of the know, and I am sick and DONE with being the ignorant fool!! I have a heart, dammit!" Irina was shrieking again, and I was about to tiptoe out when Tanya's anger got a hold of her which had Rina cringe along with me,

"A heart!? A heart that doesn't beat!!!! ENOUGH with the dramatics!!" I choked back a laugh which Tanya heard; Irina was currently being the Joan Crawford of the household to realize I was just a few feet from her, close enough to her to be attacked.

_I know you're there, Kate! Come here now and help me!_ Tanya was angry and tired; I was sort of scared. _Please help me._ I waited a few seconds, concentrating and tapping into Tanya's mind.

_I'm scared._ I was scared to be attacked by Irina; I had lied to her earlier today about Edward and that alone guaranteed me a trip to the furnace. Tanya smiled, holding back her laughter, which prompted Irina to yell about how she was always a joke to all of us and is never taken seriously.

_I know, but I am DONE with this day old argument. Her non-stop martyring and whining. I need you. She's dead pissed off._ I tried not to laugh aloud at her usage of words, but my slight fear of being attacked was still in my mind.

_She'll kill me, you know. I messed with her "mission of seduction"._ Tanya tried hard to keep a straight face.

_I know. But I will protect you. _I sighed.

_Alright, but I have to warn you. Edward is still miserable; he still needs us. Can we try to calm Irina down and act like the civilized vampires I know we can be?_ She smiled and nodded, which had Irina believe that Tanya was finally in agreement with her; Irina paused from her rants. I sighed, which Irina finally heard; _I know you can hear me. No wonder Tanya was smiling and nodding; she was listening to you of course! The one who knows everything, all-knowing and wise that you are! _Her thoughts were dripping with disgust and I braced myself for impact.

Luckily as I sauntered in, which infuriated Rina more, Tanya was blocking her from me, in a determined stance.

"I'm home!" I sing-songed. Tanya was trying hard not to laugh out loud, while Irina was shooting daggers at me, using our mother tongue of the old Gypsy days, cursing me all over again.

"Who wants to hear about my night with Jay? S'Wonderful, S'Marvelous…" I sang the words from the movie Funny Face which had stayed in my mind since I saw it last week on DVD. DVD'S are such a fascinating technology. I remembered when I first saw Funny Face back in 1957 when we were in New York and the DVD was almost like transporting me there with the picture even more vivid than the film itself at the time. I was brought back to the present when Tanya matched my tone with a sing song voice herself,

"I do!" _Did you dance with him while wearing a wedding dress by Givenchy by the lake?_ I grinned at Tanya while she laughed; I had said I would want to get married like in the movie and Tanya had thought it was precious I still thought like an eighteen year old sometimes.

"I hate you both." We were brought back to the present danger that was our sister. She was glaring at us, and in her mind she was sorely tempted to take on both of us, regardless of the outcome. I sighed and threw myself on the couch. Irina hissed at me while Tanya growled, which had Rina slightly back off in her anger. As I lay down on the sofa, I matched my tone to Irina's thoughts in a hiss that would make Tom Riddle jealous,

"Irina, I am going to say this once, though Tanya has repeatedly told you but I am hoping that I saying it will finally shut you up." I continued though Irina's fury was building again, "He almost killed a girl; he almost fed off a human." Irina's fury disappeared. She stood there, gaping at me in shock. _You are not funny; Edward, kill a human? Nonsense._

"Yes, well that is the truth as to why he left. He is torn up about it, aching with the knowledge that he almost fed off a girl, leaving Esme without a goodbye, and Carlisle worried for his return. He is determined to stay with us for the time being, granted he doesn't get molested by a sex-hungry vampire." Tanya snorted and Irina's fury was building again, despite the pity she was thinking for Edward.

"No act of 'kindnesses' will grant you a night of pure bliss with Edward; you got Corey for that later tonight. Is it possible for you to leave Edward alone with his feelings and thoughts? That would be really great and **human** of you." Irina glared at me while laughing darkly,

"Kate, you are so cute sometimes. You really do get lost in this illusion of humanity", she snarked at me while Tanya's anger slightly burned up again after the embers had fallen.

"At least she's not going on a **dinner** date with a human," she retorted which had me laugh while Irina pouted.

"Well, now it is settled. Enough with the dramatics; I am about to make you an Oscar for your performance that would have made Meryl Streep proud." I closed my eyes and I sighed deeply. I was drained; from the previous night's happiness to the constant fluctuation of Edward's emotions. I felt my head suddenly in a pair of laps and I looked into Tanya's concerned, golden eyes.

"Katrina Dvorjak, what is wrong with you? You look exhausted." Tanya's voice slightly cracked at the last word; I really must look like hell since vampires usually don't suffer from ennui or exhaustion. Realizing that my legs were now being supported by Irina, who looked worried at the realization of my tiredness, alerted me that I was right: I must look like crap. I was tempted to have a look in the mirror but decided that it was time to share the latest development connecting me and Edward.

"I might as well tell you." I remembered that Edward was deep in the mountains since I wasn't feeling anything from him or any thoughts as I tried to tap into his mind. It was now or never. "I have developed a new 'gift' and it is somehow linked with Edward and his emotions. Keep your minds blocked since he can't know of this just yet. I have to speak to Carlisle beforehand and decipher how it must have happened." Tanya looked just as incredulous as I felt and Irina simply gaped at me in shock and slight envy. I sighed heavily, frustrated by her thoughts. _Sometimes it isn't fair that you are so gifted. I always knew you were special but sometimes it is a bit annoying._ I scoffed at her and she just kept on gaping; for her to be envious of me when she had her beauty was a bit of a joke.

"But Katie, how is that possible? How could this have happened?" Tanya was confused and worried since the excess of my gift combined with this possible new one is driving me to exhaustion; I reminded her of Jasper when he was living here and she couldn't bear his discomfort just as she couldn't bear with mine. It was bad enough for her that she did all she could do for Jasper but me, her own sister, she was at a loss on where to start since this isn't a daily occurence.

"The strange thing though that the connection is so strong. I felt it since yesterday; all morning and early afternoon yesterday I felt a sort of unease and uncertainty. When Eleazar had his vision I was in complete shock; I didn't feel anything murderous or urge to kill as Edward had. Everything else though is as strong as anything I have ever felt."

"Well," Tanya's voice contemplative, "each of your gifts was always reinforced when the two of you were around. The similarity of them must have forged a connection that is as strong as his with Alice and yours with Eleazar. That's how it always was when all of them used to live here. Something must have triggered this new sensibility, since it isn't technically a gift. If it were, you would have been feeling all of our emotions, not just Edward's." Tanya's eyes sort of dazed off, as if remembering something.

"You were feeling off color since yesterday's hunting trip…shortly after…" Irina's voice rang through the air interrupting Tanya's stream of consciousness,

"You were feeling off after meeting Jay!" She looked sort of smug, as if proud that she finally was worth listening to. I glanced warily at her; Tanya shocked me by agreeing with her.

"That's right. There has to be a connection through Jay. When you met him, you felt self-conscious and unsure of yourself. Then you felt a sort of boredom and slight curiosity which isn't like you. The boredom part is what I meant; you're usually up for anything adventurous or new which is why I was confused as to your attitude yesterday." I looked at my sisters with a frustrated look.

"How is Jay connected to any of this? I only met him hours ago and he doesn't even know Edward or Edward knows him. I get the line of reasoning and it sounds fairly right but it still doesn't explain why all of a sudden I am connected with Edward through emotions." I was getting more frustrated with each word; I think my gift is enough to deal with but this empathy gift is a bit reaching, even for me. I frowned when I realized Edward was nearby; I felt slight satisfaction and a bit easier with choices he must have made.

"He's coming. Block your thoughts. He cannot know of this just yet. We need to know why this is happening and why me, though I am glad it is me rather than Irina. Lord knows what she would have been capable of." Tanya snickered while I found myself on the floor, laughing at Irina's outrage and embarrassment as she flung me off the couch. I was laughing hysterically when I heard Edward's sigh in my mind. He had heard Irina's thoughts and my joke, though he didn't fully understand it but the intent was clear. I made Irina look like a bigger fool and she was angry all over again.

"He's nearby Irina. Can you control your urges and just work out your sexual frustrations out on Corey?" I was snickering when Tanya choked out,

"That isn't a wise idea. We don't need a human dead due to Irina's excess sexual frustration." Tanya joined me on the floor, laughing at Irina's throwing her to the floor along with me before her sudden exit from the room. _The two of you are just evil._ I glanced at the sofa to see Edward sitting on the couch that Irina had vacated, looking at me and Tanya, still on the ground, with an amused and wistful gaze, while Tanya and I continued our hysterics.

"The two of you remind me of Emmett and Alice." He smiled at the thought of his siblings, and I felt the homesickness slightly kick in.

"Thank God you compared me to Alice. I would have shredded myself to pieces if you had compared me to the Ice Queen." I smirked at my nickname for Rosalie, while Irina's voice had rung through my mind. _I don't think anyone would make that obvious of a mistake. _The growl barely left my throat when I realized Tanya was no longer next to me. I looked at Edward's suddenly innocent expression.

_Well?_ I thought. He smiled his devilishly handsome crooked smile. _I gave her a heads up. _I frowned and pouted. _Dammit, I wanted to get to her first._ Edward smiled again; _Tanya is giving her a run for your money. She won't get carried away like you tend to do but she can be just as menacing._ I smiled like an innocent, favorite child who gets away with everything and Edward snickered. He was more relaxed, though the antics between my sisters and I were reminding him of home. I decided to change tactics.

"So anything else new, besides the obvious crisis at hand?" Edward gave me an impassive glance.

"Nothing really. Jasper still struggles though Alice is very vigilant towards his future."

"Which explains why she didn't see yours until it was almost too late. She called me to let me know of your arrival, though she was sure Eleazar might have known as well." Edward was uncomfortable; it was distracting me but I managed to keep my face just as impassive.

"By the way, what is the latest with the Quileutes on the reservation at La Push?" He glanced at me, not surprised that I knew.

"More or less the same; they've kept their end of the treaty although the younger generation seems to think it is all old tribal legends that are ridiculous. They're still not coming to the hospital." I snorted in disbelief at such a disregard towards someone like Carlisle and his immunity to blood, a man determined to save lives to atone for a life he didn't choose. Edward nodded in agreement. "There is one who defends us and Carlisle's brilliancy…" His voice trailed off and his uncomfortable feelings emerged full throttle. I was slightly staggered and I probed into his mind without much difficulty. _Chief Swan._ I frowned. He had forgotten I was even in the vicinity; he was lost in the thoughts that were flowing in his mind.

"Who is Chief Swan?" _Bella's father._ I tried again, this time asking, "Who is Bella Swan?" I was surprised at Edward's change of expression and mood; he was defensive and he seemed aghast that I said the name aloud. I frowned, and glared at him. He was angry that I had the nerve, the audacity to say her name; my glare deepened. He tried blocking his mind with no success. _I had forgotten how to block my mind around you. You're good._ I smiled darkly and I kept my glare intact. His anger was still on a high and I snapped. I got up from the floor and picked him up, and threw him to the side of the room. I reclaimed my place on the couch in which Irina had knocked me off earlier; this angry hour had taken its toll on me. I laid myself on the couch and closed my eyes; I slightly smirked at Edward's confusion on what just occurred. _What the hell just happened?!_ Tanya was alarmed. _Do I need to go downstairs? Is anything broken…again?_ I thought to her, _not yet. This is my fight. _Tanya warned me; _don't think I can't scare you. Control your temper. _I nodded and she was quiet with her thoughts again. Edward's ranged through my mind. _What **the hell** was that for?!_ I shrugged. _I was angry and I felt like taking it out on you. Why were you angry with me?_ I thought the last to him, specifically.

"How did you know?" He looked alarmed. He immediately thought of Jasper.

"It was a hunch; you looked so cold with me while I asked who this Bella Swan was…I am still curious to know…" My voice trailed off as soon as the obvious cannonball hit my mind with a forceful truth: her name was Bella Swan, the girl who had driven Edward here, with my family. He looked at me, with an expression unreadable, his thoughts silent as he realized I knew who Bella Swan was. I looked at him quizzically, curiosity building inside me as I strived to know more of this child.

"Well, what do you know of her?" He looked at me as if I was one of the stupidest people in the world, and snorted.

"Why do you want to know?" His tone was detached, almost as if he were protecting her. His mind coincided with his tone: he felt the need to guard her. This was becoming more intriguing by the moment.

"Taking into account that she is the only human who has the blood that nearly drove you into madness, I would say she seems a bit fascinating. A mere human girl, with no clue how close she came to dying, that seems to have a hold on you." I smiled enigmatically, which had Edward's mind slowly pique on my tone; my mind was closed and he sighed with heavy frustration.

"Didn't you see her through Eleazar's mind?" He was being evasive and I wasn't going to let this go until I had an idea of who this girl was.

"Well, I was in some form of vampiric shock; my mind kind of went blank with worry of what was happening to you." I smiled ruefully, but his mind was completely silent. Dammit, he finally closed it. I shook my head in frustration.

"You still haven't answered me", I pointed out.

"I just don't understand why you are so curious." His mind was slowly opening; he could never keep his mind closed for long when I was around. I probed his mind; _why does she care?_ I looked at him with a sincerity that couldn't be overlooked.

"Edward, out of your entire family, I never would have believed that you would be the one to fall into such a desire. You've been so reformed since your rebellion years; it just seems so bizarre that a girl of seventeen years old could do this to you. I am very surprised on how you're dealing with this urge which you have confessed is the hardest thing you have ever done. That is why I am curious to know of Bella Swan. She must be an exceptional girl to be doing **this** to you." I stressed the word this, which he caught on to. This girl is affecting him in more ways than one, and somehow this information seemed vital to me. His thoughts invaded my mind unwittingly, _I don't know._ I looked at him, my mind and face blank with the stupidity I am sure he will accuse me of.

"What do you mean? You must know something. You are usually a good interpreter with the children around you. What was her mind like when she saw you?" He cringed at the last part of my sentence and I bored into his eyes with mine.

"She's new to Forks. I haven't had a chance to talk to her. You know, I kind of was trying to fight the urge to drain her body in front of the other worthless humans." He smiled darkly and I frowned at his own stupidity.

"You fool, what about her mind?" Somehow, that triggered the anger he had with me since I began asking of Bella Swan. I felt it before he showed it; he was now forcing his mind to be blocked and he was pacing the room in a furious stead, trying hard not to break anything. Whenever he would get angry, Edward would throw a fit similar to a tantrum and break something. Last time, he broke Emmett's new stereo for his Jeep that Rosalie had bought for him. The events afterwards were priceless. I was brought back from my nostalgic reverie to face Edward's fierce anger, which was now in me, twined with guilt that I had to breathe in slowly. I needed to breathe more than ever before, it was frightening. Tanya above was alarmed again and thought to me, _what's wrong?_ I ignored her. Edward was unaware of my change in manner; his mind was in overdrive. He looked away from as one thought escaped his mind from the futile attempts to be blocked. _You're the fool for badgering me with these stupid questions out of your damn nosy mind. This isn't your business so why the **hell** do you care?!_ _Just **LEAVE** me alone!!_

I stared at him, shocked and hurt, which drove away all the anger and shame that was coming from him. He must have felt it; his whole manner was now burning with sorrow and regret. But before he even spoke, or thought, I was gone. I ran fast, swift and light as if I were flying instead of running. I was done with the angry hours that Irina and now Edward had put me through. I ached inside and I needed one person only; the one who can give me the peace of mind that no longer existed for me at home.


	9. Chp 8: The Peaceful Hour

**_A/N: If you don't know it already, I don't own any of these characters with the exception of Jay and Corey. But just in case, read my disclaimers at the beginning of each chapter. I think I will update my Author's Note page as well just to include some facts and links to certain accessories discussed by the characters. The story is dedicated to my friend Serene Twilight who loves these characters as much as I do; she seems to be taken with Jay and Kate as much as I am. Thank you for your support and for those that reviewed, I hope I don't disappoint._**

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The Peaceful Hour

By the time I stopped running I was by the town. I barely realized that I was still in my pj's but I was furious. I tried to calm down the anger but with the anger came the hurt. Edward's cruelty and disregard for my concern was painful and embarrassing. If this is what Irina felt half of the time when I joked with her, then I think I am done with mocking her obsession with Edward. But that thought alone couldn't assuage the acute stupidity that I felt for being inquisitive.

This Bella Swan was constantly in his subconscious; for so long he wandered the earth alone, Edward had no idea how this girl was embedded in his mind. The thirst was not the only issue at hand; he had been protective of her, an outsider who unwittingly drove him away from his family, made him doubt his own self-control. It made him almost human and he wasn't even aware of it. It angered me further that he was blind to his own rising humanity, a trait that he believes he lost when he became of our kind. I was furious for his stubborn belief that we as vampires were damned, regardless of who we are and what we choose.

I felt my body being racked with dry sobs…again. I knew that if I could I would have been sobbing for what would have been the third time in less than 48 hours. But with my anger it always triggered a need to cry, a trait from my human life passed on over to my undead existence. A pretty useless trait if you ask me. Though it might not have been my place to have been so inquiring but Edward had come to us for aid, to me, only to throw it in my face as if I were some stranger who has never known thirst so unquenchable. I always considered him a best friend, almost a brother. I was hurt and the hurt was overwhelming me. I needed to calm down and there was only one option to obtain it.

I made sure to bring my cell phone; at the moment there was only one I wanted to talk to and as I called him I prayed he would answer the phone.

He answered on the first ring, his voice breathless, "Kate?" I swelled as he said my name.

"Hello, Jace." I had decided that was my new name for him and he allowed it as long as he could call me Katie or Cat. I smiled as his voice broke through my present sorrow,

"Hey Katie Cat. I've missed you." I reveled in the peace his voice was bringing me.

"I missed you too, Jace." I prayed that the answer to my question will be the one I was waiting for. "I know it's a bit unexpected but care for a stroll?"

"I thought you were busy with your family?" He sounded confused, but hopeful.

"Well, a change of plans. I think I need you more than I care to admit." The words left my mouth before I could even think to hold them back. Well, I thought to myself, the worst is that he can say no or laugh at the fact that I needed him. Either way, I would be saddened. Luckily for me, it was neither.

"Oh, Katie. I thought I was the only one feeling this way. I'm staying here at the cabins by the park. Do you want to stop by?" His voice was still hopeful, but bracing for disappointment at the same time.

"Is half an hour enough time?" I smiled at the joy of seeing him again.

"Almost too long, but I am sure I'll manage. See you then, my lady Katrina."

"See you soon, my lord Jason." I breathed into the phone, almost going nuts to have to wait so long. Having this ability of amazing speed is sort of meaningless when one can't be there as soon as possible; then again, I wouldn't know how to explain my pajama's nor was I sure if I wanted him to see me in them. They're hella cute, but not a pair of sexy pajamas as I would want him to see me in.

I called the house, hoping the Irina would answer. Luckily she didn't disappoint.

"Hello?" Irina was annoyed; I must have interrupted her getting ready for her date with Corey.

"It's me." She softly drew in her breath.

"Kate! Where are you?"

"Never mind that. I just want to know if you're still going out with Corey tonight." I was sure of it but I wanted her to tell me.

"Ya, I'm meeting him at the square. What's going on? Edward is quieter than normal, and Tanya is fretting of your disappearing act. She called your cell phone but it was off. Kate, what IS going on?" Rina was anxious to know of the gossip but at the same time her tone was mixed with worry; she continued on,

"By the way, I am not allowed ten feet within you or Edward. Tanya was close to shredding me when I THOUGHT that remark about you and Rosalie. I cannot believe you told on me, you brat." She sniffed in frustration. I grinned; Tanya must have really laid into her to the point she is on a restraining order from our sister.

"First of all I didn't rat you out. It was Edward. Honestly I would have been there first if Tanya hadn't been warned. I would have done far worse and you know it. But that is not why I called so don't worry. I am lifting the ban off me. I need a favor." Irina's voice perked up immediately.

"Sure! What do you need?" She sounded truly sincere and I was going to milk her guilt for all it was worth.

"Bring me some clothes and my Vans by the clearing. I am going out with Jay tonight."

"What about Edward?"

"I am dealing with my own life at the moment. There is nothing more I can do for Edward. Let him worry about his own 'life'." I hissed the last part of the sentence and silence greeted me on the other end.

"Does Tanya know of your change of plans?" Irina's voice was subdued.

"She will when you leave to bring me my clothes and I will call her. Don't let her see you!" I stressed the importance. I knew Irina would gladly do this for me since it would make me happy, which will make Tanya happy even though I knew deep down that Tanya would be furious when she realized where I had ran off to.

"Okay. I hate to ask but what happened? Edward seems so depressed, more so than when he came. I think he regrets something that he did." Irina sounded confused.

"Well, then he has a lot to ponder then." My tone signaled an end to this topic which must have confused Rina even more; my blatant disregard for Edward's feelings was a warning that something was terribly wrong.

"Kate, he seems really sad. Tanya handed him his cell phone because Alice called but he just shut off his phone after telling her to leave him alone. She called the house first to talk to you." I suddenly remembered that Alice had several visions following Edward's thirst for the girl. I'd have to call her at Jay's, and then Irina had more to say,

"Eleazar also called. Your phone was still off and he called the house to tell **me** that if you called you have to call him back as soon as you can." I gripped my phone; he must have had a vision: of what Alice saw and of what I was doing. I cringed, dreading his visions.

"I'll call him now, and I will call Alice at Jay's. I need time with someone who isn't whining about why a certain vampire guy isn't hot for one such vampire femme fatale or why the same vampire guy up and leaves his family behind for the most selfish reason ever." I clicked the phone shut. I sat on the rock by the clearing where I had spent most of the day with Edward and the night with Jay. I didn't have to wait for Irina too long. She was suddenly sitting next to me, with my clothes and my beloved pair of burgundy checkered Vans. She took my hand and held it, allowing me to fully tap into her mind.

_I don't know what you are up to, but don't drive Edward away. We're all he's got until someone motivates him to return to his family. _She was gone before I could say anything. I closed my eyes, and sighed heavily. I quickly changed and headed to the cabins that are located by the park where Jay was staying while visiting his cousin, Corey. I decided to call Tanya to let her know of my plans. Sure enough, she wasn't really pleased; in fact I think she was angrier with me than ever before.

"Don't be selfish, Kate. He was upset…"

"He's upset about something which he took out on me. I am there to support him, not be his punching bag to support his own ego."

"You're more like Rosalie than you think", Tanya said quietly. I clicked my phone off for the second time in one hour. I turned it off then I remembered that Eleazar told Rina to tell me to call him. I rolled my eyes as I dialed his number.

"Katrina. Please, I need to talk to you. It is about Edward." His voice was urgent, but I couldn't deal with this for the time being.

"I can't now, Eleazar. I think you know why." I told him in a defiant and scathing voice; I awaited his tirade against me and getting involved with another human, but it never came.

"I understand. Just don't be too late; Alice needs to talk to you and it's important that you do. It might even lessen the severity of Edward's situation. Good night, Katie. Call me when you can", his voice kind and patient. For the first time this evening, the phone was clicked on me. I frowned at Eleazar's odd conversation; for someone who hasn't seen Edward in awhile he is a lot like the cryptic fool Edward can be. My frown deepened as I realized that Tanya was calling me again; I turned off the phone and strolled to the cabins.

As I approached the cabins, I saw Jay waiting outside already, pacing anxiously. Once again, his mind was wide open for me to tap into with ease that I couldn't help hear what he was thinking: _I wonder if she's really coming or the family thing held her back. I hope she does come by; I haven't been able to…_ His thoughts trailed off into silence when he saw me standing shyly off to the side.

"I hope I surprised you, since that was what I was sort of aiming for." I smiled and his face was beaming with such obvious happiness: I didn't need to hear his mind to discern that fact.

"So you did." I ran at a human pace but he was already gathering me into his arms and twirling me around, a sort of movie script beginning to a dramedy that will have to have a movie script ending. I giggled and he kissed me fervently. I breathed in his deliciously unknowing scent and kissed him back just as passionately. The twirling slightly ceased physically, but my long dormant heart was twirling inside, delighted at the amount of life that was being given to the dead muscle in the longest of ages.

Jay finished kissing me only to look into my laughing, joyous face with his mind in overdrive; _I have to be careful. I could fall in love. But I think it's too late anyway. _I smiled bitter sweetly at him, sighing. Oh Jace, I believe we crossed that line the minute we met. I snuggled my face into his neck, reveling in the warmth while he held me tight, afraid that the minute he would let go I would be gone, like a vision or a dream. His mind was silent but his embrace was just as obvious as words. It was a beautiful cold night in Denali, which I enjoyed but I remembered that Jace was human and he might catch cold or worse. I looked at him worriedly.

"Are you cold? I don't want you to get sick." I tapped into his mind but was surprised to hear that both mind and mouth were in agreement on what to say.

"No. But you are, as usual. Do you want to go inside?" He was holding my hand, worried of my being cold. I smirked, which he luckily missed. My face smiled at his misplaced concern and I was basking in this blissfully peaceful hour that Jay has given me.

"I told you. I'm cold-hearted and cold-blooded. Years of sadness and heartbreaks finally took a toll. Then again it adds to my mystery and charm." I smiled flippantly, hoping he would drop the subject of my bizarre body temperature. Luckily, he was concerned for my past heartbreaks.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He was genuinely interested and worried, but I shook my head in ancient sadness.

"Not really. I try not to dwell in the past. The present and sometimes the future concern me the most. I can hold my own." I looked into his eyes, only to close my own as he kissed me again. My heart began to twirl again and I felt myself weightless; Jay had picked me up and was carrying me back into the cabin he was staying at. I threw myself into the depthless emotions that his kisses were drowning me in; for once in my life, both the living and the dead, I felt like I was drowning. I didn't want to save myself from it but sink further into this sea of feelings that I don't remember ever feeling. It came to me then, this unknowable feeling that indeed came with an obvious truth. I was in love.

I was suddenly inside the cabin, on Jay's bed. I opened my eyes, and Jay was above me, looking at me with adoring and appraising eyes. His eyes slowly took me in from top to bottom while grazing my arms with his warm hands, while slightly pressing himself on top of me. The simple but determind gesture made my stomach drop and had me feeling a bit disoriented. I couldn't think nor could I hear his thoughts. I was lost again in the drowning feeling; as Jay silently took his shirt off and slowly began to unbutton my blouse while not breaking his eye contact with me, I decided to listen to my own advice. I decided to truly embrace my humanity and the insanity of giving in to the heart's desire.


	10. Chp 9: The Revelation Hour

**A/N:**_ All disclaimers for this story are in the Author's Note chapter of this story. All necessary information regarding the story, the disclaimers, and extras are in that section. I also added some links and a playlist to go to this story in my profile to add more realism to my story which has become real to me indeed. As always thank you to those who have reviewed and I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint since Edward is absent but I promise he will be back in the next chapter as well as Alice's phone call which will give Kate an idea concerning Edward's future. Last but not least, to my friend Serene Twilight who is this story's number one fan and supporter of Kate and Jay. Thank you for being a wonderful friend and thank you for loving this story as much as I do.

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The Revelation Hour_

**Starlight: Muse**

_**Far away**_

_**This ship is taking me far away**_

_**Far away from the memories**_

_**Of the people who care if I live or die**_

_**Starlight**_

_**I will be chasing your starlight**_

_**Until the end of my life**_

_**I don't know if it's worth it anymore**_

_**Hold you in my arms**_

_**I just wanted to hold**_

_**You in my arms**_

_**My life**_

_**You electrify my life**_

_**Let's conspire to re-ignite**_

_**All the souls that would die just to feel alive**_

_**But I'll never let you go**_

_**If you promised not to fade away**_

_**Never fade away**_

_**Our hopes and expectations**_

_**Black holes and revelations**_

_**Our hopes and expectations**_

_**Black holes and revelations**_

_**Hold you in my arms**_

_**I just wanted to hold**_

_**You in my arms**_

_**Far away**_

_**This ship is taking me far away**_

_**Far away from the memories**_

_**Of the people who care if I live or die**_

_**And I'll never let you go**_

_**If you promise not to fade away**_

_**Never fade away**_

_**Our hopes and expectations**_

_**Black holes and revelations**_

_**Our hopes and expectations**_

_**Black holes and revelations**_

_**Hold you in my arms**_

_**I just wanted to hold**_

_**You in my arms**_

_**I just wanted to hold**_

* * *

I listened to the song on Jay's iPod, which was playing on the docking station that resembled the one I had at home. I lied on his chest, listening to his slumbering heart. The song happened to be one I recently began to really love, called **Starlight **by Muse, a band from England. I listened to the words while still hearing the slow rhythm of his heart, a symbol of his deep sleep and unknowing of why my heart was so silent though my heart was alive for the first time in so long. I was blissful but I was also a nervous wreck.

_What have I done?_ I thought to myself. I slept with a human, in every sense of the word besides the literal sense although that desire to attempt it was overwhelming me. I closed my eyes, pretending or trying to sleep, a futile gesture. I never felt this intense desire to sleep before in my entire existence. Although to some of our kind it was frustrating I always loved the inability to sleep; throughout my entire existence I used my insomniac ways to learn of the world and the many things it had to offer. I met some of the most influential people of the millennium; my favorite was being a chambermaid for Ludwig van Beethoven.

The others were horrified at the idea of me, "beautiful" and intelligent Katrina Dvorjak, settle onto being a chambermaid for a mad, deaf man who was ostracized by his own contemporaries who had apparently forgotten his genius due to his disability. The years being with him and in his presence were worth every dirty job I had to as a maid. I managed to be the night maid for the years I served him and I was the only one he didn't fling his food or dishes at. I mourned his death and I still do. He was a greatly misunderstood man who was a genius. The 9th symphony was composed while I was in his service, and it was a joy from the grace of God that I was able to be there for that once in a lifetime experience. After his death, no one ever questioned my motives for being in the most bizarre circumstances...they'd learned that it will always pay off or work itself out in the end. Carmen was proud of me since she was the one who introduced class into our family. Tanya and Irina were as bohemic as ever but I was the one who always thirsted for more and under Carmen's influence I was one of a kind, indifferent to the trials of human life but a sponge for knowledge that would have always been denied to me. I never regretted being a human, because I would have never had the most important memories in my "life", since Beethoven alone made my vampire existence a life to bear. I can get into more detail of my life as a vampire in Europe, Asia, and the northern hemisphere of the United States (I wasn't a fan of South America; the heat is disgusting) but it would take more than just one paragraph. All that mattered to me was the truth that I never once wished to be human again…until now.

For the first time as long as I could remember, I wished I was human; to be able to dream of Jay and of a normal future that any girl of nineteen should have. Sadly, I am not a normal girl and although I claimed to be nineteen it has been many centuries that I was that age long ago. I ached with longing, and I looked at Jay's face while smiling at grief, a grief that had brought me such happiness in such a sudden time in my life, but also a grief that I couldn't really explain.

Suddenly, I felt myself being held more tightly than before. I listened carefully to Jay's heartbeat which remained steady. His grasp, however, tightened around me; it was as if his instincts were warning him that I would disappear or vanish like a dream in itself. I closed my eyes, the need for sleep replaced by the desire to shed tears: tears of joy for loving this young man so soon yet so right and tears of fear when I had to let him go, which will be harder for me than I ever anticipated. In a matter of two days, I had fallen in love with a human and he was in love with me. Most women would give their life to feel something like this, to know what love was. In my years of living and walking this earth I had scorned at it, mocked it, and refused to even let myself come close…

I stopped my thoughts. That was a blatant lie. Ten years ago it did come close but Eleazar's warning that he did not feel the same for me and never would have put me on my guard much to my disappointment. I had to let him go; his name was Daniel. Daniel was a good guy but he liked to play the field but I didn't care since I knew only too well that kind of power is a bit intoxicating. He was fun and I found myself drawn to him and delighted in his attentions to me. I had confused love with vanity; I was ready to give him my dead heart and my undead soul when Eleazar had put his foot down. He would not see me throw away my feelings for someone who had other aspirations, a path vastly different from mine. We had one of our most heavy arguments that day which might have sounded like the Normandy invasion of 1944; the walls had shaken and I vaguely remember throwing several doors around and shredding the couch that Tanya wasn't sitting on, adamant to give up Daniel. Tanya was calm as an angel, letting me tear the house apart while Eleazar kept his face impassive as I put on a show of grand theatrics. I swear, I was meant for the stage from the way I acted when I was angry or hurt, when emotions got a hold of my reasoning and logic. I remember Irina was out hunting, not wanting to be there when I would lose control when I was denied my free will. Carmen was upstairs, begging me to stop and listen through my mind. I had tuned her out, of course.

I winced slightly at the memory; I remembered how she had come down the stairs and slapped me…so hard that I had landed on the other side of the room. I was astonished that neutral and calm Carmen had slapped me. I looked accusingly at Eleazar, who looked aghast that his beloved Carmen had slapped his little sister, her surrogate daughter. He hadn't seen this coming; then again, we can be so human sometimes that our decisions can alter just as much as the humans. She was shaking and she was before me, looking into my green and yellow eyes. She clung to my hand, knowing that by touch my mind could not deny her thoughts, her Spanish accent flowing through my mind; _you have to let him go, querida mia. He will hurt you and you will hurt the more for it. You have the chance that so many girls never know until it is too late: let him go. He isn't the one to give you the happiness and sadness that love is so full of. I would hate for you to be the avenging angel of scorned love all over again._ She clung to me, hugging me in a crushing embrace. I was dumbfounded. I looked up at Eleazar, who was looking away with sorrow in his eyes.

"I know you think you love him, Katerina." I looked up at him, surprised that he used the Spanish version of my name. "I believe you do love him in a way that is not known to you. But he is not worth your sadness, the sadness that will come and eat your soul. I've seen it. I know what can happen when love is denied to you, which is why you were so against it for so many years. You've come so far along; I would hate to see it wasted on filth like Daniel Garcia." Even though it happened a decade ago, it still astounds me how vivid a memory can be at the most random time.

The memories were being played before me on the wall across from Jay's bed. I lied in his arms, watching the memory play before me and remembering Carmen's words: He isn't the one to give you the happiness and sadness that love is so full of. I looked up at Jay's peaceful face, who was lost in his own dreams of serenity. I looked back at the wall, remembering that my fight with Eleazar and Carmen was a waste of time that day. I gave in, naturally. I broke up with Daniel, who was more hurt with his ego more than anything else. I remembered not coming out my room, not hunting nor talking with my family. I always hated being proven wrong and that is what Eleazar and Daniel had done. I had been livid and pissed off at everyone. Irina would come in and tell me of her adventures with the several men in her life and I didn't mind since I barely paid attention. She didn't mind my attitude either; my silence was a relief to her since Tanya would have chastised her while Carmen and Eleazar would have groaned at her lackadaisical approach with the male species. She also threw in several vampires that had come across her path whom she had seduced. I chuckled softly at this memory since I had the same thought as I did then: what a hussy! I admired her for her carefree attitude. I couldn't be carefree; I would be either vengeful or apathetic or caught up in the fancy of being in love, like I was with Daniel.

I sighed, and snuggled closer to Jay. I couldn't be sure but I felt warmer just being in his arms, listening to his heartbeat and breathing. I breathed in his scent, and the old instincts that will never be eradicated coated my teeth with the useless venom that would not be necessary. I stilled for a sleek moment as the venom retreated back into nothingness.

I was in love now, that much is true. I know it inside, from the way I feel being with and without him. I am in pain either way but being with him is much better than being away from him. I began to wonder what will happen when the time comes that he wants to lie on top of me, to listen to my heartbeat. I almost laughed out loud at that moment…oh good Lord what will I do then? Why didn't I think about this beforehand? I should have thought this through instead of following my own careless actions and wants. I wanted to be with him regardless of who would get hurt or angry. I was usually the one on her guard and now this young boy who came into my life so unexpectedly threw it out the window; with one look from his light brown almost green eyes, he single-handedly crumbled my self-defense that took my centuries to perfect. I was doomed.

I felt him stir and I sat up in a fluid manner that he would not miss. He was waking up, with a slight frown on his face. As he opened his eyes and reached for my hand, the frown disappeared. He looked at me, his thoughts in hyper drive. _Oh my God she's still here. I thought she was leaving already. I could have sworn she was on top of me, sleeping like the angel she is._ I smiled at his comparison…an angel indeed. If only he knew, he would have had to rethink that analogy.

"Why were you frowning?" I knew the answer but I had to ask just to make sure I wasn't becoming a delusional vampire. That would be a first no doubt. Wait, Edward was on his way up to that list. Never mind.

"For a brief moment I thought you were getting up to leave. You are so unpredictable that I was kind of scared you would have regretted this. I have never done this before." His eyes were sincere but his mind was suddenly blocked. I was surprised; usually that meant he willingly blocked it or something painful caused it to block itself out of reflex. I wondered about his past. I looked at him curiously which he noticed.

"What is it? You look…a bit like a cat right now." He smiled while I laughed. I gently, in a human pace, pushed him away which he resisted and grabbed me in a bear-crushing hug. I have to admit, he's stronger then he looks. He hugged me closer to his body, and held me tight. I pretended not to breath and he laughed at my poor attempt to do so. It was all for show but I loved being so…normal with him.

"Well, I have to admit I am a bit curious about you. You know about my life, I would like to know more about your life…" He interrupted me.

"Kate, you know what there is to know about me. I am a photographer on assignment here in Alaska, got a chance to meet up with my cousin, I met you which only made this job so much more enjoyable." He smiled and I hid my face behind my hair. I felt my hair be pushed away and his hand on my face. I looked into his eyes as he continued.

"You also know about my life and family. What else is there to know?" A brief shadow overcame his face which would have been missed by any human or an inattentive human at the least.

"Why did you just look sad right now?" I was concerned. He looked so mournful in that briefest of looks that it would have killed me if I weren't already dead. He looked away while I stared at him.

"I was just remembering something. That's all." I was surprised; I hadn't seen or heard anything from his mind. He was unwittingly blocking a memory from me due to some long ago pain. Suddenly my curiosity got the better of me; I really had to reign in this vice of mine but then again, curiosity didn't kill me a millennia ago.

"Jay, what's wrong? Baby, please tell me." I cupped his face in my hands while I stared intently into his eyes. I unleashed one of the powers that all vampires held: the ability to use our eyes as a way for our prey to be submissive to our wants and needs. My greatest need at this moment was not his blood or his life; it was the pain of a past that had him blocking his mind to me. I was thirsting for this detail of his life as much as I thirsted for knowledge and it scared me on how intense and profound this need was. But it did not hold me back from getting what I want.

His breath stilled as he gazed unflinchingly into my own eyes, and suddenly the air was crackling with such electricity that I have never known. It was as if the air itself became a magnetic field of such high proportions that it almost had me staggering to get a grip of myself. His touch was so warm that I could have sworn my heart was beating inside me. It might've been two minutes, two hours, or two days, but I lost track of time when our eyes locked; the whole world was gone and it was just us. He took my hands from his face just to hold them in his own, pressing them so hard that it would have hurt any other human. I remembered just in time to make a soft wince at the pain, pretending it hurt; it wouldn't have made a difference since his mind was silent as a grave. Suddenly his mind gave way to memories that I now regretted wanting to know.

I saw him with a girl of plain but pretty looks; she was slender with light skin twinged with pink in her cheeks but not as pale as me. She had soft golden curls cascading around her heart-shaped face with blue eyes. She seemed to be 5'4 with a good weight of being around 115. She was cheerful and happy, being in his arms. He was beyond happy in this memory passing before my eyes, and I felt at a loss to know what to think. As quick as the memory came it ended. My hands were on my lap, I realized with a start and Jay was facing away, fighting tears. Before I could ask another memory came to his mind: he found the girl kissing another guy, someone that must've been close to him since from the look on his face was of betrayal and heartbreak. The memory disappeared which was replaced by a car wreck, with the girl gasping for air and the guy that she left Jay for dead at the wheel. Jay was standing before the car, frozen to the pavement.

I tried to fight the emotions that would be sure to be visible from my face; it was too much pain to see. I wanted to hold him but I had to refrain since I was supposed to not know anything. In the end I threw caution to the wind, I was sad for him. I reached out to him to hold his hand but he got up from the bed so abruptly it caught me off guard; I ended up falling off the bed. I had managed to pull it off gracefully as a human can do but I still ended up on my back. I looked up to see Jay's bewildered face, fighting the urge to laugh or to continue to cry. I made a face and the urge to laugh won over. I giggled weakly as he came to me and pulled me up from the floor. He picked me up and clung to me as his breath slowly calmed down to an even breathing. I looked at him, his face now settled into old sorrows but the tears were gone except for one. I wiped it away and hugged him fiercely.

When I knew it was safe, I tasted the tear that had come from Jay's eyes; it might have seemed pretty disgusting to someone else but I had to know what he tasted like. Some instincts can ever go away no matter what. I sighed deeply as the tear melted within my tongue; it was good as I had thought. I remembered how I felt when he was kissing me and I felt like a teenage girl all over again. It was just indescribable of what and how many emotions coursed through my body when he was kissing me; I felt like he wanted to taste me in his own way and it made me want him in that way again. Yet this was not the time to think such thoughts; he was heartbroken and I had to know the story since it has him distancing himself from me. Even though that would be the wise choice, the selfish part of me would not stand it for the time being.

"Jay, tell me. What has you so distant from me?" I quivered my lip and he bit it softly with his tongue.

"I am not so sure I want to tell you. It isn't a very nice story." He looked at me, his eyes guarded and his mind blocked again. I noted sadly that he was no longer hugging me. He walked slowly to his iHome docking station to change the album and band. I looked at what he was putting on next; he was choosing Coldplay. I immediately stood up and grabbed the iPod from him. He was a bit taken aback from my abrupt manner and swift pace. I cursed myself from being too quick but I was not about to let him tell me his story through the music of Chris Martin. As much as I love Chris Martin and the album "A Rush of Blood to the Head" I knew it would be too much to handle at this point. His lyrics are just too deep and if Jay is going to tell me his tragic tale, I couldn't bear associating Coldplay with it. I wouldn't. As I coursed through his selection, Jay was getting annoyed. I looked at him warily as his thoughts became a little bit clear; _what the hell is she doing?_

"I have a strong feeling that you have an intense story to tell me so I am going to select something else. Coldplay is sacred." He narrowed his eyes and in a muted, angry tone he whispered,

"That was her favorite band." By her I knew who she was, but I wasn't about to let on I knew nor was I going to allow him his way.

"Whoever she is, which I am sure you will tell me, I cannot let you associate them with whatever you're going to tell me. I don't want to listen to Chris Martin and think of your pain which is enough to make me weep. I can't bear to see you sad, dammit, and I won't allow it if I can help it. So deal with my bossiness and sit back on the bed while I choose something just as somber." I whispered back just as deadly as he had done, hoping to make him sit down and not question my tone of voice; it worked since he had the blankest expression I'd ever seen before in any human. He was at a loss for words and thoughts when he sat down on the bed, staring at me as if I were something to be afraid of. Finally, he was afraid. It is a shame he chose the wrong moment to be in fear of me. I sighed wearily as I focused on his iPod. To my horror he had no Beethoven; I looked at him with surprise and disappointment which replaced his blank stare with a confused expression.

"What's wrong?" I looked at him squarely in the eyes while I sighed for dramatic purposes.

"You don't have any Beethoven in your iPod." He laughed while I kept a straight face. It was kind of amusing; a vampire upset that her would-be human boyfriend didn't have the composer she most adored in his mp3 player. At the same time, though, I took it kind of personally. Beethoven is the essence of pain, unrequited love, and musical journeys of life. In my opinion everyone should have at the least the Fur Elise or the Moonlight Sonata, his two most famous works known to the world. I had given Jay the thumbs up for liking Death Cab for Cutie; now that has a lead singer that has lyrics forcing you to relive unrequited love. The song 'Transatlanticism" reminds me of the 4th movement of the 9th symphony from the ascends to the descend of the chorus. It a beautiful song from a talented band which is why I knew Jay was good enough for me. No guy can be too bad for liking Death Cab for Cutie or Coldplay. The fact that he has no Beethoven is a bit disconcerting but I have to remind myself that most men in this day and age don't really care about the classical music which shaped the foundation for present music. Come to think of it, not that many girls really listen to classical music either. That was a bit disheartening. What a waste this youth of the new millennium is.

"I don't have any in my iPod but I have a c.d. here somewhere. My mom gave it to me since she believes Beethoven is pretty great. She also gave me a c.d. from Mozart; she says if you listen to Mozart's music it can raise your i.q. for twenty minutes. That's what her music teacher told her once." He smiled. I nodded in agreement; though Mozart's music always bordered on the divine, his personality always left a sore taste in my mouth. He was rather raucous boys who abused his fame rather than truly use it properly. I put my hand out for the c.d. Jay smiled meekly and went to his suitcase, unearthing the c.d. I smiled and it popped it in the c.d. player next to the docking station. The notes of the Moonlight Sonata began to fill to the room. Satisfied, I sat myself down on the floor, falling sinuously in front of Jay. He glanced warily at me; he got up. Bending down to me, he pulled me up and sat me on the bed next to him. He slid himself up to where the pillows were, leaning on the headboard of the bed.

"Are you sure you want to know? It isn't…" I interrupted him.

"…for the faint of heart?" I asked. He sagely shook his head. "One of these days, I will tell you a story of my own tragedies when it came to love. Those aren't for the faint of heart. For now, though, my attention is on you." He looked at me shrewdly. I silently cursed myself. I set myself up._ Here is my chance to find out why she is "cold-hearted". _I sighed; I should have known sooner or later I would have to say something about my past and make it seem "normal."

"If I tell you the story will you tell me why you're as jaded as you seem to be?" He smiled, looking kind of smug. I scowled.

"I promise."

"Ok then." He sighed as he took a collective breath. He slightly shifted away from me but held on to my hand as he turned about to face me. His touch was cold now and his mind was swirling of images of the girl, the guy, himself, and certain places over the world that I've seen at least twice.

"I grew up in Toronto, Canada. Even when I was a kid, I always wanted to do anything that dealt with traveling. I moved around a lot when I was a kid before settling in Seattle almost ten years ago but I was left with the urge to see more of the world. Growing up in a suburb outside of Toronto I was friends with a girl named Amy. She and I were like twins but people always thought we would make a cute couple together. When I left Toronto, she and I promised we would write. I had lived throughout California and Oregon before settling in Seattle so I kind of lost track of her. My grandmother still lived up in Canada so when I turned eighteen I decided to stop by Toronto to meet up with old friends after visiting her. I ran into my old baseball buddy Chris whom I always saw as a brother. Then I was re-introduced to Amy." He paused and took a deep breath. I listened intently, knowing this is where the real story begins.

"She was so different than when I knew her. She was confident, she was bold, and she was so exciting. She was mousy and shy when we were kids but she was a woman now. I was smitten because my best friend, my twin, had become what everyone thought I should be with: the perfect girl. The entire summer we hung out and I was falling in love with her. My grandmother warned me it was a summer thing but I didn't care; she had become the most important person in my life. I was supposed to go the NYU for a degree in photography but I decided to go to the University of Toronto instead. I was still a citizenship of Canada so it was no problem and my grandma had invited me to move in. Amy and I became lovers, and we decided that after college we would get married. Chris had married his own girlfriend because he had gotten her pregnant and her family was Catholic. During my senior year towards the winter break my teacher gave me the chance of a lifetime. I was selected to go on an art program in Europe that would detail the origins of art and photography which would finish the electives I needed in order to graduate. I was ecstatic. I told Amy the news and she was thrilled because I would get to go on an excursion that would give me the experience that I would need when I go professional. I was kind of taken aback; she was completely okay with the whole idea. Looking back then I should have guessed something was amiss since we had been arguing when the wedding should take place or at all. My years in college were grueling with the workload and class schedule since I wanted to be done when I was 22 regardless and Amy was always left out of the loop so many times. She, however, was excited and I thought I was lucky." His eyes turned dark; I waited patiently for the rest of the story to be told.

"I had left for New York for about a week before the program started. I was there for a few days when I found the perfect ring for Amy, a promise ring that would let her know that the minute I get back we will be inseparable. I bought it at an antique shop in SoHo and it seemed so perfect for her. On a whim I decided to drive to Toronto; I had a few more days left before I headed to London. It was raining pretty hard but I wanted to get to Toronto quick for some bizarre reason. I got there much earlier than I anticipated and went to her loft which was above the clothing store she worked in. I was about to knock on the door when I heard noises. I opened the door which was open and I looked inside. It was empty except for a few clothes thrown about the room. With a sense of irony I walked into the bedroom and there it was. The surprise every person gets when he or she decide to show up unannounced or early from somewhere."

He began to swear as he got up from the bed; I was in shock. Something so cliché happened to him; it was almost comical in the saddest sense of the word. I shook my head in disgust; a nagging voice told me I was just as bad but I shook it off. If I truly loved a person I would shred myself to pieces than hurt them intentionally. From the memories from Jay's head, it seemed to have been a long-standing affair. He was drinking a glass of water before me when he flung it at the wall. It crashed into a million little pieces; he laughed hollowly as the shards of glass scattered all over the floor.

"That's how it felt to me, Kate. I felt the world had become glass shattering before my eyes. My best friend and my fiancé giggling like kids, acting like they were on the thresholds of young love. I stood there, and feeling like a voyeur I left. Before I could leave unnoticed I realized one of Chris' kids was there, waking up from what seemed to be a nap. The little boy started crying and I was shocked as to what to do. He brought his own child to his lover's apartment. Chris came running in but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me in Amy's doorway. His face became pale like yours, and the whole room went quiet in my ears. I didn't even hear his son crying anymore. Amy came walking in what would have fooled anyone: she was fully dressed. Then she saw me and started to whimper. I could hear her now…" His voice drifted off and her voice from his memories came through my mind. _Jason!!! Oh my God!! I can explain…I was going to end it and you know me I can't be myself for so long. I would have been lonely without you…_I shut my eyes in horror. She was **justifying** her reasons for cheating. The sheer nerve of the child…I sighed. Kids these days really grow up fast; that was en excuse a MAN uses to his WIFE for cheating. Good Lord. Then a memory came to my mind that stilled all my thoughts.

"I ran from the room, too angry to even bother. I had the ring in my hand and I wanted to get out of there before I felt more like the fool I was already. I heard them yelling out for me but I kept going. It was raining hard and I got into my car. I pulled my car out of the curb and skidded to a stop. I couldn't see due to the rain. Chris had gotten into his car to follow me but the rain caused him to brake properly. He hit me with his car so I couldn't go further but after he hit me he caused another car collision; the impact of the car caused him to lose control of the wheel. His car went up the sidewalk where Amy was. Throughout the commotion I managed to get out of the car. In a single moment my whole life changed. My best friend and fiancé to be were gone. Chris died a few hours later from internal bleeding while Amy died on impact." His eyes became hollow with pain and I had to keep from flinging myself at him to hold him and hug the pain away from him; the memories playing from his mind were killing me in a way I'd never known before.

"I was angry at her, at him, at myself. A few days later, after the funeral I went on that plane to London. I didn't come back for 5 years. I abandoned the art program and just traveled everywhere I could afford to go to. I eventually got my degree but I didn't want to come back to the U.S. or Canada. I just kept going and not wanting to look back. Corey called me about six months ago from Toronto. My grandma was dying and she wanted to see me one last time. I swallowed what was left of my pride, which had dissipated that night 5 years ago. I was there for a few weeks after my grandmother's passing. While being there I decided it was time that all my demons were laid to rest. I went to say goodbye to Amy. When I got to the cemetery Chris' wife was there. She and I had a heart to heart. She had known about the affair and felt like she drove Chris into it. She apologized for not telling me when she found out but she had believed it would have ended sooner. There were other women before Amy so she didn't think it meant anything to him. I felt so sorry for her and I felt sorry for me. I wasted years mourning for two people who never cared about those they left behind. After that day I prayed that God would forgive them and may God give me the time to forgive them too. I sort of made peace with myself and of the whole ordeal of that part of my life." He took a deep breath when he came to sit by me. He had swept the shards of glass away so perfectly; I highly suspected he had become an expert at sweeping more than just glass.

"I went back to Seattle for a few months before coming up to Alaska where Corey and his friends owned a pub. I was sort of dead inside for so long. I didn't care about anyone or anything. Corey tried to set me up with some girls on my first few weeks here but I put my foot down. He gave up trying to set me up with women and that's when I decided to enjoy my time here in peace." His mind was now at peace and I saw a memory from his mind; I saw me walking by the village a few days back and when I looked into his eyes that day, my expression was bored but full of anticipation. Only a few days back though it seemed like forever that I would do anything to prolong our time together. He was looking at me now, with calm before his face which was no longer tormented with memories past.

"Who knew you would come into my life and change it all in one look?"


	11. Chp 10: So Come On

**A/N:** _All disclaimers are in the author's note chapter which include a playlist and background information on the characters from my p.o.v. The chapter titles are changing up a bit in case some you notice or care; they used to detail a certain hour and time for Kate but she's kind of throwing caution to the wind as far as time is concerned. **Warning**: Edward will be in the next few chapters but he does have to return to Forks which means that the story will continue because it is Kate's story not his. I know many of you love the Edward/Bella fanfics but this isn't one of them, so I hope that you will continue to read of Kate's journey despite Edward's return home; he has to in order to fall in love with Bella :)_

* * *

So Come On…

_**Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie**_

**_The Atlantic was born today and I'll tell you how...  
The clouds above opened up and let it out. _**

I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere  
When the water filled every hole.  
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,  
Making islands where no island should go.  
Oh no.

Those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.  
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.  
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door have been silenced forever more.  
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row  
It seems farther than ever before  
Oh no.

I need you so much closer (x8)

instrumental break

I need you so much closer ( x4)  
So come on, come on (x4)

I was in Jay's arms holding him as tight as a human could. I had told him a revised version of Sebastian and how he was murdered before my eyes while I was left for dead. So it wasn't really a revised version but I left the time period out and open for interpretation, and instead of being my husband I had said that Sebastian was my boyfriend. I also told him how I thought I had fallen in love with Daniel but when I realized his intentions weren't sincere I had to walk away with my pride in bits and pieces. Needless to say it was one emotional night for the pair of us.

The night also made something that was so complicated so blissful at the same time. He was mine as I was his; I know that in my soul now. He had given himself to me the day when our paths crossed in town a few days past. I unwittingly became his when I came to him tonight without thought and when he told me the story of his past. I didn't know it then but he was telling me this as he was holding me and the reality of the situation had me in the worst pain my muscle of the dead heart that beat long ago has ever known. He was whispering in my ear,

"You looked so bored that day; that was the way I felt for the past few years even after I had laid my demons to rest. I took one look at you, and you took my breath away. I knew my life would never be the same. If Irina hadn't told me you were interested I would have found a way to put myself in your path. I have never been impulsive or daring. The only reason I was with Amy was because our childhood bond together and the friends that were the catalysts to reunite us. But then I saw you…" His voice trailed off and his mind was swirling with memories of me and him; some were fantasies that he had when first seeing me (which were kind of sexy that made my stomach do some jumps of their own) and some were the moments we spent together at the clearing by my house. My throat was in knots; I was certainly doomed but at the same time I didn't care, as long as I was in his arms. I am growing more romantic every hour and I was so surprised on how much he has given me in such a short time. I would always want him close to me but at the same time it couldn't be.

The song playing on the iPod now was "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie and I wanted to sob. I clung tightly to Jason as a human girl would do as I softly chanted the refrain from the song in my mind,

_I need you so much closer…I need you so much closer…_ His thoughts brought my chant to a still as he spoke his mind,

"I dedicated this song to you. When I got back here to the cabin I had this song on repeat because for some reason it reminded me of you. For the first time in my life, I wanted you in a way I never wanted anything or anyone. You changed my life, Kate. I would have crossed the Atlantic on driftwood if it would have brought me closer to you." I started shaking from the uncontrollable urge to sob, dry tearless sobs. Ben Gibbard's voice broke through my mind with his depthless lyrics,

_So come on...come on. So come on…come on. So come on…come on. So come on…come on. _

I took Ben's advice; I brought Jay's face to meet mine. I kissed him furiously, and his tongue met mine. I needed to do something to fight this urge to kill myself; I had to make this time that we had together precious and special. As he put himself on top of me with his lips on my neck, I breathed ever so softly into the air which my mind echoed to the silence. _I love you, Jason. _

Two hours later, I was kissing Jay goodbye; I had to go home and face the music that was Tanya. I kept kissing him to prolong the inevitable: the confrontation with Tanya and the separation that had to happen for Jay's sake.

"Call me later?" He looked into my eyes as I nodded quietly. I kissed his nose and his eyelids when they were closed.

"Goodnight, Jace." He hugged me one more time and he reluctantly let me go. I walked backwards as he stood on the doorframe of the cabin, looking at me until I disappeared into the forest. I hid behind some trees while I watched him. He stood at the doorway, gazing at his surroundings with a glazed look in his eyes, veiled with a sort of newfound vision, as if he were seeing everything for the first time. I slumped against the tree as I watched him slowly close the door, as if he were waiting for something else to make this night never ending. I sighed softly and heavily if possible. I let myself fall to the floor and threw my head into my hands. What in the world was I going to do now?

_Kate, call Alice. Now._ My head jerked up in astonishment. Eleazar had tapped into my mind from wherever he was; how on earth was he tapping in? my mind was still blocked... Shit. I had forgotten to call Alice. Ugh what the hell is happening to me, I asked to nobody in particular. I pulled out my cell phone and turned it on. I waited a few minutes; according to my phone I had about a million voice mails. Whatever. I called Alice's cell phone but I kept an ear out for Edward who'll probably be wandering around at this hour.

"Kate!! He is just too cute!!! Tell me you're going to change him, please!?" I sighed. Of course Alice saw me and Jay. I cleared my throat.

"Alice…" I let my tone trail off hoping she would get the hint. She did.

"Okay we'll talk about that some other time." She giggled and I smiled at her jubilance. "I am so glad you gave me something fun to see; I just can't get Edward out of my visions." I remembered why I was calling and a thought came to my mind. I had to put it as bluntly as I could; now was not the time the hedge around the issue.

"Alice, did you see a future of Edward with this girl?" Silence greeted me on the other end. I had voiced the thought that has been tugging at my subconscious and apparently in Alice's.

"How did you know? Did Eleazar see what I did?" She sounded breathless, thankful that she can talk of this vision to others besides Jasper.

"Actually I don't know what he saw. He told me to call you. But Alice you should be here to really grasp the enormity of this situation. It's endless. He's constantly thinking of her but as a person not as what she would have been if had followed his instinct. He and I got into a fight over the matter." I hissed the last part which she responded to.

"I know; I saw it but I was hoping it was over Irina; I couldn't see what the cause of the argument was though you looked really hurt. Did he say something he shouldn't have?" Her tone was mournful. "I wish there was a way I could have prevented it."

"There was nothing you could have done; it was to happen eventually. And yes it hurt because it came from Edward, mister know it all. Tell me Alice, what did you see? I need to know in order how to help if I still can." I was anxious to get over this incident with Edward but I also wanted the apology I deserved to receive and give in return.

"I saw the same vision with two possible endings: one was with Bella Swan dead." I sighed heavily; this was not what I wanted to hear especially if Edward was going to not pay heed to my advice and embrace humanity. Then I perked up.

"The other one she lives then? That must mean Edward has to stay with us a bit longer than you saw." I was slightly confused but Ally's next words stopped all train of thought in my head,

"The first vision is what will happen if Edward stays in Denali another week." I was dumb-founded. I had to cough; I don't know why but I felt the need to cough, to cough up my confusion at what I just heard.

"What the hell, Alice? I thought Edward is the reason she **_dies?!_**" I nearly shrieked but I held it in since I was still by Jay's cabin and Edward would be nearby. My mind was blocked so I knew I was safe. "How is it that she lives in the other vision with him there? I don't get it."

"Kate, I didn't say she was going to live in the other vision. Not exactly." I was silent as several things began to replay in my mind: my earlier sorrow for Edward not being able to have what his family had, a companion. I also remembered Eleazar's warning of keeping my mind blocked around Edward when that random thought had passed through my mind. So many things were going in my mind as I whispered to Alice,

"What exactly happens in the other vision, Ally?" I used my nickname for her, to let her know that I was close to the truth but unable to grasp it, the sheer thrill of such a possibility.

"He changes her. She was dying and there was no other way. Carlisle changed her in one part of the vision then it switched to Edward changing her. She becomes one of us." Alice's voice sounded pleased and anxious at the same time. "Either way, she was going to die. In both there was no way around it; she would have died. But in the one I prefer she gets to become my sister." She sounded really excited, more excited than she should have been.

"Alice, you already have a sister. Why would you want this to happen to an innocent human?" I was overwhelmed with the possibility of such a vision. Edward finally gets a girl. Shit, Irina is going to be pissed. Oh well.

"That's not what I meant, Katie! I don't wish this girl any harm! She just seems so special. I've been having visions of her meeting the family, of me and her being close like sisters. I love Rose to pieces," I scoffed which prompted Alice to laugh, "but it would be nice to be the older sister to someone who can make Edward so happy. I've seen it, Katie! He seems so complete, serene, and happy; I know she can bring that to him, which has been missing in his life. It will make our family even more strong and loving. Besides I don't know when we all will be able to see each other again," she added sadly which had me missing her all over again. Our separation two years ago was not a pretty sight, although with Rosalie fuming with jealousy had made it more entertaining, much to Emmett's dismay. God bless that woman, she always had me laughing with her center of the world universe attitude, that it made me kind of miss her too. "I miss all of you so much sometimes. You were always sweet with Jasper, and I know he misses you and Irina making him laugh."

I smiled. Jasper was someone who was in some ways a better best friend. He couldn't read minds like Edward but his gift is so unique like him, I held a special place for him since he is the most human in a way, struggling with our way of life to please his wife, Ally. The whole thing always makes me swoon even if I was a self-proclaimed critic of love, until now at the very least.

"My God, Alice. I don't know what to say…both of those visions are not what I expected. Though I think I know which vision you prefer to come to pass," I shrewdly noted.

"Well I don't want her to die. Besides, she seems like she's missing Edward as well." Alice stated this smugly at which I was all ears.

"Say wha-aat?" I stressed the last part of what which had Ally giggling.

"Ever since Edward left, she seems kind of guilty. I think deep down she knows she's the reason why he left but isn't sure how or even why. She's very quiet, prefers to keep to herself. All the kids here are trying to be her friend and some are passing as friends when in reality are using her popularity." Alice sounded kind of protective; much like Edward did when he spoke of her.

"You know, you and Edward seem very intent on protecting her from the horrors of the hell that high school can be sometimes," I warily remarked.

"Well I am kind of seeing her as a sister already. It's only a matter of time. The sooner she becomes one of us, the better off she'll be than hang around with these would be posers." Alice's voice was haughty and I smiled, wishing I could have gone to school with her the time they were living with us. She was 4'11 but I felt sorry for anyone, human or vampire, that crossed her path of wrath.

"Well, be careful with being too attached. It might not be wise since you are still having visions that constantly change. She's human; it's bound to be complex."

"I know. Jasper already told me. The two of you get on my nerves sometimes, ruining everything with realistic opinions," Alice hissed. I laughed.

"I'm sorry. My next question is what should I do? Have you told anyone else about your visions? Both of them?" I had to plan my strategy; I had to admit that deep down I kind of wanted the second vision to come true. Edward was already intrigued by this girl. This Bella Swan was already subconsciously aware she drove him away and, according to Alice who is rarely wrong, she was missing him too. She was quiet, timid and preferred to keep to herself. God made them and matched them, as that saying goes. Fittingly well.

"Only Jasper who suggested I talk to you or Eleazar since he might have seen what I saw. I want Edward to come back home. Esme misses him. Everyone does but it hurts Esme the most." Alice's voice was sorrowful.

"I know. It must be hurting her. I think I have an idea of how to make Edward go home sooner. You first saw him gone for two days right, when he first came here?"

"Yes but it keeps changing. Just earlier today it seemed that he was going to come home soon after your fight. But then it changed and he ended up staying a few days more. I think he is worried of your involvement with your own human. I think he wants you to be more cautious like he is," she smirked on the phone. I laughed since I can see her smirking at her brother's incessant need to be right all the damn time.

"Well, I can only imagine what he has to say. I don't need anymore speeches since I know I am going to get one from Tanya." I closed my eyes as I leaned on the tree.

"Oh Katie I wish I can tell you what's going to happen. For some reason all I see is you and Edward in what seems to be a showdown of sorts. I don't know why but his arrival back here is connected with you. I think you being in love with a human makes Edward jealous."

"What in THE world?! Ally, he is like my brother, ew." I scrunched up my face in horror.

"Not like that silly; I think deep down he is jealous of how easy it is for you to be with a human."

"God bless you, Ally, but it's the most singularly hardest thing I've ever gone through. I am at a loss of what to do." I became silent as Ally sighed on the other end and stayed quiet for a few minutes. She must be having another vision.

"Tanya is about to call you soon. Edward is looking for you; probably to say I told you so." I frowned. Yes, he would do that in a time like this. Knowing Edward indeed, he probably figures he's the better person in this situation. I feel a reality check coming to pass.

"Alice, I think I know what to tell Edward. Remember, you have no idea. He'll be home before the vision of Bella Swan happens. I promise." My words must have been something fierce because Ally stayed silent. Then she began to cheer softly; she had had another vision.

"Do it. It'll work. He'll be home by the weekend. Katie, I love you." Alice was giggling and I was smiling wickedly.

"Love you, too. Tanya is calling me; I have to answer." Alice and I said our goodbyes. I clicked to the other line.

"Yeah?" I was careless with my greeting which will infuriate Tanya but I was past the lines of patience.

"Miss yeah, when the HELL are you coming home?!" It was amazing how over the phone Tanya was still able to be spitting venom through her words but I was still blasé.

"Soon. Edward is looking for me and I think me and him need to have our privacy."

"How do you know he's coming? You've had your mind blocked and he hasn't heard from you since you left."

"I always bet on Alice. She and I had to talk about Edward and his return to Forks. Esme is missing him beyond anything else."

"The poor woman, Edward really needs to go back home. He is also missing his family too." Tanya's voice was sympathetic. I was not.

"When he stops thinking about himself he wouldn't have to hurt his family," I replied acidly. _Like you don't think about your own self?_ His voice rang through my mind. Goody. He was nearby. "Tanya, I'll see you in a few." I clicked on the phone.

_Meet me in the clearing, Edward. I don't want to be too near the cabins. The last thing Jason needs to see is me and you; it'll break his heart, _I thought.

_Wouldn't it be for the best?_ I snarled viciously. _Fine, I will be waiting by the clearing._

I was already on the rock when Edward emerged from the darkness, his hair tousled in the disheveled mess it usually is. I laughed humorlessly; he would make a dramatic entrance. He glared at me while I laughed softly.

"What's so funny?" _I wasn't aware I was that humorous._ I answered the last thought openly,

"You're not. Your actions are much funnier because you actually thrive on your theatrics which enables you to be fodder for my own personal amusement." I smiled smugly as he glared at me, his eyes blacker than the night itself.

"You're in a good mood. I am surprised the human is still alive; our kind has been known to get a bit carried away when being caught in the moment while with a human." His crooked grin was not as charming as it usually was. I laid on the rock while I pondered my next move. I heard his thoughts groan when he realized my mind was still blocked.

"Honestly, Edward. What would you know of such things? Your only connection to that sphere of experience is through Emmett's mind which I am sure he is bound to let you in on for enlightenment purposes. You are all after unskilled in that realm." I smirked when his growl was furious with shame.

"Tanya has told me some near-death experiences some of the men Irina's has been involved with. I think I have a good grasp."

"An amateur one at the least, which doesn't make you an expert in this field. So shut it before you embarrass yourself any further. You came here running away from a human. Your status at mister knows it all has been thrown into question." I spat out the last sentence at which he was immediately by my side, snarling with rage.

"Just because you throw yourself at a human makes you an expert as well? Are you even aware of what the hell are you even doing should you get in too deep?" _God, Kate, one would think you're the know it all in this world._

"Dammit, Edward at least I know how to live a life and not hide from it!"

"I do NOT hide!" He was spitting at me with rage. I was standing before him, spitting with anger as well; I was a good few inches shorter than him but I was close to flinging him across the clearing should my anger and his anger combined need to be unleashed. I had forgotten that our connection with my emotions and his was still overwhelmingly strong. I was bound to shred him to pieces in a few minutes. I matched his glare while I spat out,

"Then why are you here!? Why did you just abandon your family without saying goodbye or give Esme an explanation!? You're here because you were weak for ONE moment and you leave without a goodbye or even an explanation which you know she deserved! You were brave enough to stay away from a human but you now you refuse to face your own mistake!? At least I know when I am WRONG, Edward! I know what I am doing is WRONG but I will not let you or anyone tell me how to live my LIFE!" I yelled at him at a human voice pitch, which he noticed and laughed hollowly at.

"Kate, are you kidding me? You call this a LIFE!? You're a vampire, a monster! You are not HUMAN!!!" He was back to the old argument. He always has to go back to that old point, the idiot.

"Yes, I am living a life because what the hell is there else left to do? I don't know if you are aware but we are kind of going to live for all eternity", I spat out the words which he scoffed at; I continued on with the words dripping with more venom than my teeth had,

"Do you expect me to brood like you and criticize the world away or wish I was human again like Rosalie does once in awhile? I don't think so. I refuse to waste my time with regrets for a life long gone and accept the one that I chose; because I chose this life and I have not regretted it once until today. Only because I know what love is do I truly wish I was human. That's my cross to bear, Edward but it's a hell that I am willing to endure because I have never been this happy before with anyone else but my family and most likely I will never be this happy again so I will not let it go because of right and wrong. Life is too long for things to be just black and white, dammit. I am not afraid to take some chances nor am I afraid to admit that I am SO TOTALLY SCREWED when this is over!! But one thing I will NOT do is to stand here before you and your judgments to justify my life which I always embraced though you never could!!!" I ran to the nearest tree and flung it off the ground, throwing it to the side with such a force that would have made Emmett proud. I glared at Edward who looked angry and hurt.

"But you don't have to do this to yourself. You have a choice."

"I refuse to feel inhuman. I've embraced the insanity because I am willing to take a chance. The real question of the hour is: are you brave enough?" I whispered to him. He looked momentarily staggered.

"What did you say?" he looked at me with a blank expression in his eyes, his mind mirroring his face.

"Are you brave enough to embrace humanity? Are you brave enough to go back to your family and prove yourself right, that you can do this? You can do this, you can see this girl as a human that will never bring you harm. Otherwise you wouldn't be here, away from those you love. Though the longer you stay, Edward, the more right you prove to yourself that you are a monster, a monster from the 1930s that you once gave in to who you really were at the time. You always claimed to be one, Edward. Congratulations. Now you are one. You ridicule me and my choice to find happiness, thinking that I am completely blind to the aftermath of what can happen. How can you stand there before me and honestly believe you are better than me, while you're suffering inside." I looked at him, my mind open now.

_Either way you will be miserable. You will have pain. That's human; you are as human as one can get and it's nothing to be ashamed about. Either suffer and stay with us or go back to Esme who's suffering more without you. Do you criticize her for missing you and loving you as a mother does? That is kind of what feeling human is, Edward. _

He stayed quiet, with his back to me. _How can you be so sure of my actions when I'm not?_

"I always bet on Alice, Edward. I would have thought by now you would too." I smirked at him while he took a quick glance at me, frowning slightly.

"Her visions can change. They did before and they will because of our choices."

"Precisely. You chose to do the right thing; now it's time for you to choose and face the music and your weakness. The longer you run from it, the more it will tear you up inside and as much as I love you I will not see that happen, not when I'm around. You're better than that and you know you are. That's why we were having a fantastic screaming match just a few moments ago. That's why you were making fun of me and my choices. I can deal with whatever is going to happen. The question is can you?"

I had gone back to my branch of sanctuary from the last time Edward and I had our heart to heart. He was below me at the base of the tree, pondering his next move. It was déjà vu all over again.

"Are you in love with this human?" He asked the question that had entered his mind and I looked below, my eyes softening.

"Yes." Something so simple can be so complex. I was scared like never before. I sighed as I leaned on the tree, gazing into the horizon, wondering what Jay was doing now. I was going to try and tap into his mind when Edward's voice rang through the silent night,

"Will you change him?" He was suddenly before me, anxious for my response, and dreading it at the same time.

"No." He looked taken aback. He looked at me curiously, wondering if I was being too rash but I was certain.

"No?"

"No. I won't change him unless he has no other choice." Edward picked up my inflection.

"By other choice you mean…" he let the question trail off, letting his growing disapproval linger.

"If he was dying I would change him. He is one of the most wonderful beings in the world; I will not let someone so special die so young should it come to that. Until then, he remains who he is: Jason Arthur." He was muttering under his breath. _You can't condemn him either, Kate. What if you change him and he doesn't love you or should he come to hate you for what you did? What if he does in the process?_

"It is a chance I will be willing to take. I told you once and I think I even yelled it twice, Edward. I am not afraid. I don't want to be. I have gone through several personal hells to know what I am usually up against. When I was human I saw my husband get murdered in front of me; I was beaten and left for dead. I toyed with the lives of thousands of men in my first few decades of who I had become, I've watched Tanya and Irina enjoy in the comforts of men while I dreaded being in their arms, and I thought I fell in love once only to have it be proven worthless by own brother, something he hated doing because he knew I had to know. Should Jason ever come to hate me because I changed him or should he die for me trying to keep him in my life, then you can rightfully boast that I am indeed a monster." I pushed him off the branch, and I leapt to the floor. He lied on the ground, cursing at me in his soft breath._ What the hell is it with you and throwing me around?_

I ignored him as I sauntered through the clearing, pondering the sudden certainty of my decision. I cannot change him; I won't take a choice that is his away from him. He was special to me and I will maintain his welfare as best and long as I can. God forbid the hour I should change him. For him to be changed he would have to be near death and the thought alone had my already cold body grow more so. For him to suffer at the prospect of dying only to face the fiery 3-day period of the transformation was enough for me to fling myself into a furnace.

I sank onto a random spot of the clearing and I held my head in my hands. What was I going to do? I can't live without him but I won't be able to maintain a long "healthy" relationship with him either, not for that long. What if he proposed to me and wanted to have children? Oh my God, what am I going to do then?

Suddenly I was being held in the most crushing embrace since this night began. Edward was hugging me; he must have been listening to my anguished thoughts. I groaned. _I wasn't aware I had my mind opened._

_You didn't. I felt your sadness and I didn't want you to feel more so because of me and my arrogance._ I smiled weakly. He admitted his own flaws which might have been to make me feel better but it was progress.

I leaned my head onto his shoulder._ Edward, I love him. What am I going to do?_

_You're asking me, the one that isn't brave?_ I chuckled softly as he smiled.

_True._ I found myself lying on the grass after Edward pushed me off his lap. I laughed while his smile grew into a grin.

"I think I have to go home now. What about you?" I looked at him squarely. His grin lessened into a sad smile.

"I think I will stay another day." I shrugged at his stubbornness to stay. I had to get him home; I suddenly knew the best way to get him to cave.

"One condition: you have to call Esme. She needs to at least hear your voice. She's your mother, Edward." I pointedly looked at him at which he nodded.

"I will. I promise. I think the pathetic pair of us needs to go and calm Tanya down. She is furious at you for sleeping with the human." He rolled his eyes. I narrowed my eyes at him, _his name is Jason, you self-absorbed beast._ He snorted. I smiled as I sweetly remarked,

"Well, at least I didn't almost kill him. I know how to reign in my enthusiasm." My eyes gleamed wickedly while Edward closed his eyes with embarrassment. _I don't want to know the gory details, please._

_Trust me, Edward. The day will come when you will._ My smile settled into an enigmatic expression, with my mind closed and Edward gazing at me in curious wonder.


	12. Chp 11: Read My Mind

_**A/N:** It's been a long time but i decided to update this story of mine at the midnight hour here in southern california. I'll update as soon as I can. I still hope I have some fans out there and I hope the wait has been worth it. More is to come, I promise. I do not own any of these characters with the exception of Jay and Corey, the cousins. _

I was standing before the house filled with complete dread; despite my cavalier attitude I was afraid of Tanya. I knew I was in deep shit with not only what went down with me and Jay; I had to answer for my disregard towards my own sister and my own selfish attitude that I accused of Edward having. I think I must have looked hilariously scared because next to me Edward was debating between pitying me and laughing at me. I glanced at him witheringly which made his choice easy: he began to chortle. I groaned.

"Kate, you asked for this. I was accountable to you. I am still accountable to my family; now you have to face the music in there. I don't envy you at all though I have a feeling that my music is a bit more dramatic." Edward sighed and I rolled my eyes.

"Are we done with the euphemisms here? I need to tap into Tanya's mind and see how severe my state of being burned alive is."

"Kate, it's bad." Edward looked a little bit more sympathetic and I heard his mind; _oh Kate. I want to feel for you but this is going to be a joy to watch._ I heaved a melodramatic sigh that would've made Irina proud. Well, here goes. I began to stroll to the house but took a detour to our garden; we have a very beautiful landscape due to Carmen's love for gardening so I began to really appreciate the beauty that she created in our lawn. Although our home is buried practically deep into the Denali National Park, our home looks rather quaint and welcoming due to Carmen's botanical tendencies. I usually took for granted the garden but due to my fear of what was waiting for me in the house, and to revel longer in the night I spent with Jay I was truly appreciative of my home. Edward was a few feet from me, warily regarding my avoidance tactic. I looked at him guiltily. _I don't want anyone making me regret last night, Edward. I don't want to be forced to give him up so soon. _Both our minds were open due to our confrontation in the mountainside clearing and our vulnerabilities made us more relatable. His expression softened and he was immediately by my side, hugging me. His own feelings coincided with mine and I was full of so many emotions that I went back to breathing slowly, like I have seen on numerous birthing shows although I have heard its all a bunch of bull.

Edward noticed me breathing unnecessarily and looked at me confused. _Why are __**YOU**_ _breathing?_ I had forgotten I hadn't told Edward of this. I immediately blocked my mind and he looked at me fiercely.

"Why did you block your mind? Kate, what the hell are you hiding from me?" His original confusion was fading, replaced with a growing annoyance. I shook my head and he snarled at me. I sighed and sat down on a bench by the gazebo Eleazar had built for the garden.

"Edward, I blocked my mind because I have something important to talk to Carlisle about before I tell you. That's why I want you to call home first; after you have talked to the family you must tell Carlisle I have to talk to him." He stood there glaring at me with his annoyance now growing into frustration. I was already annoyed so his emotions only intensified mine. I shrugged my shoulders and I decided to bargain with him.

"Edward, call Esme. Once I let Tanya deal with me and you talked to Esme to let her know that you are alright and you are content being with us for the time being I will let you listen on my conversation with Carlisle." Please, Alice, I thought in my mind. See this and warn Carlisle that I really need to talk to him. I looked up at Edward as he considered my "bargain". I was bluffing; I knew this was the crucial moment that would force Edward home. He could never deny Esme and knowing her, she was frantic for him to come home regardless of what he almost did. I held my gaze with him, hiding whatever traces of my bluff, needing to fool him and praying that he would take the bluff. Edward was good at catching people lying; even with my mind blocked he would always know if I was lying. This time, however, the wind was favoring me. I knew he was still vulnerable and the call to Esme would only cloud his mind further. He had to take the bluff; he needs to go home now. I kept remembering Alice's vision: Bella Swan would be dead regardless of Edward being in Forks or not. She was the key to his future happiness; whether or not should she become one of us she will show him humanity I kept reminding myself. Whether or not this is Alice's view, it is my hope. Edward has already been changing and who knows what this child could mean to him. Please, Edward, I was begging in my soul. Take the damn bluff, you insufferable know it all.

Edward's face became wistful and I knew it. I was safe; Edward will be going home. He always thought himself strong but when it came to Esme, he was like the prodigal son. He wouldn't deny her anything, even if it was the impossible.

"Fine. But I will talk to her first and then I will talk to Carlisle. You have to keep your word, Kate. You can't make a loophole out of this." He regarded me with the ever present wary expression; I was close to hooting with victory. If only he knew I won this battle…

I stood up and nodded my agreement. We left the garden, walking back to the front and spacious porch. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, making my head lean on his own. He tightened his grip. _She's going to be easy on you. She saw that we were on a much better ground than we were earlier. _I looked up at him, smiling weakly. _Edward, I am so confused._ He laughed softly. We were at the doorway when I realized I was no longer standing; I was on the steps being hugged furiously.

"OH MY GOD!! YOU SLEPT WITH HIM!! YOU MINX!! I KNEW YOU STILL HAD IT IN YOU!! HEEEEEEEEEEE!!" I was being tackled by Irina; she was laughing and giggling in a manner I would normally be doing and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. I was happy that she was happy at my night with Jay. She had been so concerned about the whole situation she was stoked that everything went more than well with my human lover. We were laughing on the ground while Edward regarded us, smiling to himself. _She is just so happy that you had sex she forgot __**I**__ was still here!_ I howled with laughter as Irina looked at me with a childishly happy expression in her gorgeous face.

"Well, I am glad SOME of us are happy of whatever impending disaster might be coming." Both Irina and I froze. Tanya's voice was dripping with fury and frustration. I heard Edward's laughing in my mind; I could only imagine how Rina and I looked. We both sheepishly turned towards the pissed off voice; Tanya was framed at the doorway, glorious in her Slavic beauty, enhanced by her fury that usually had me and Rina cowering. She has the expression I hated seeing in her face: disappointment, fury, fear, and utter confusion. I couldn't tap into her mind; I had to keep mine blocked from Edward and with everything that was going on, feeling Edward's own emotions coinciding with my own and Irina happy that I got laid and Tanya's anger I didn't think I could keep my mind blocked while tapping into hers. It was too much at the moment and I couldn't risk Edward knowing my new gift until I discussed this with Carlisle.

Edward noticed that I was still blocking my mind and he looked at me curiously. He knew I wasn't tapped into Tanya's and now more than ever he wanted to talk to Carlisle. Shit. He might want to talk to Carlisle before Esme. I was now betting wholly on Alice; she ought to have Seen this. She must know that it's vital that Edward talks to Esme first. I have to let this happen first; Edward has to go home.

"While I am beyond happy that Edward and you made up, I was wondering if you and I might discuss why you not only disrespected him in our home, but you made it a mission to AVOID ME ENTIRELY while you planned your tryst with the human with Irina while I specifically TOLD HER SHE WAS NOT ALLOWED WITHIN 10 FEET REGARDLESS of whatever you might have asked her!!" Tanya was yelling, making the house tremble at her Zeus-like power. I looked at Rina wonderingly; she looked at me with a small triumphant look in her eyes while trying to look somewhat remorseful. I heard Edward cough a laugh down his throat.

"I had to get in your good graces. I know Edward will never really let me have rough and tumble sex with him", I heard Edward choke with embarrassment while Tanya's face twitched with a smile "which is why I had to get you on my side. You're the one he listens to and maybe you can not talk about me to him or make fun of me to Tanya anymore?" I smiled; I had already sworn to myself to leave Rina alone concerning her unhealthy infatuation with Edward but she came to this conclusion on her own. She was much more astute than I gave her credit for. I grinned in agreement and she began to giggle furiously despite the anger that was Tanya.

"Cute. Both of you. Inside. NOW!!" Tanya stalked off inside and Rina and I were still giggling. Edward was swiftly by my side.

"Get inside now or she's going to throw the pair of you inside on her own. And shred the pajamas you love", Edward whispered in my ear. I looked at him fearfully and he nodded. I immediately ran inside when I realized Rina was beside me. I looked at her, asking what she was afraid of being burned at Tanya's hand. She looked at me and whispered her beloved dress that she stole from Marie Antoinette's wardrobe before we saw her date with the guillotine. My eyes widened in shock; damn it. Tanya was pissed beyond charm.

We were both sitting on the couch when Tanya came in from the kitchen, her face subdued. I looked at Edward who looked relieved; I looked questioningly at him and he just rolled his eyes. He knew I wasn't tapped into anyone's mind and he was getting more curious as to why. Sensing I had my own emotions in check I immediately tapped into Tanya's mind therefore opening Edward's mind to me as well. I managed to keep my face oblivious while I took in each of their thoughts.

_Alice and Eleazar told me to be easy on both of them. I love them so much but when they pair up they are reckless! I don't know what to think of Kate and this human._ Tanya was warned by Eleazar and Alice simultaneously to go easy on me. Lord, those two might even be conspiring to have Jay changed. I groaned silently inside. Alice, ever the matchmaker. I wonder what was up with Eleazar and I couldn't tap into his mind since Edward's thoughts came into focus.

_I wonder why Kate keeps blocking her mind. Her mind is open now and I know she knows why Tanya was calmed from her proposed tirade. Kate, can you read my mind?_ I nodded briefly but cut into his own thoughts with my own; _not now. Tanya needs to speak her peace and I have to be open to whatever she is afraid of._ He closed his eyes in understanding; he made himself comfortable on the sofa and let his thoughts go back to Esme and the family he left behind. I looked at Tanya and I hugged Irina as a gesture that I was still on her side and we were finally okay. Tanya rolled her eyes but I was surprised when I found myself in her arms, hugging me tightly.

"Oh Katie, you know I just want you to be happy. But this has the possibility of getting serious. I would hate to see you hurt again and despite what the prophets of our families say, it's dangerous for you to be so wholly involved with a human. I wish you could be like Irina and I at times; I wish you can separate the emotions from it all." Tanya looked so sad as she had me close to her still, afraid that I would escape from her grasp. I snuggled closer to her as all of us sisters were now on the same couch; Rina had her head on Tanya's shoulder while I was still captive in Tanya's arms, a prison I didn't mind considering she had wanted to shred me just minutes ago. Edward had left to call Alice, which I knew from the thoughts going rampant in his head. His thoughts were no longer solely on his near disaster; they were now on his family which he was missing; seeing us sisters Petrova-Dvorjak must've been overwhelming for him to deal with. I focused on Tanya's thoughts, which she voiced to make her point clear.

"I know you were never built to just satisfy yourself in the physical aspect of sex, Katie. After what you went through in your human life, I don't really blame you. You have every right to be wary as you always were. I am afraid this might be worse than the whole Daniel fiasco, even if Eleazar assures me it won't be." I gaped at her.

"Tanya, how can you compare the two men!? Daniel was a boy whereas Jay is a man. A man who knows what he wants and where he wants to go with his life…"I let the sentence trail off as Tanya's fear began to materialize in front of me. It was as if Tanya read my mind...

"I know, babe. I am afraid it's going to be worse because you are truly in love with him and I know he is too. It will be worse because the moment will come when you will have to say goodbye so he can live his life, a life that you cannot be a part of."


End file.
